Find Me | JJK

pt. 7

A/N - when you see ▷ make sure you play the music linked above.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I had hoped that she would come back the next day, or the day after. I had hoped that she didn't give up so easily. Was it so easy to just completely let go of me? Was that her final decision? I spent days, weeks, months, waiting and waiting for her to come back. She never did.

Months had passed, our tour had ended successfully, and I was still waiting like a fool. "Why don't you go find her instead of waiting around for her like an idiot?" Seokjin-hyung's voice brought me out of my endless pondering. We sat next to each other on the couch as the others were busy drinking and celebrating another successful tour, being ridiculously loud.

"Hyung, it's not that simple. I made my decision clear to her. I told her that I would never forget her. I told her to find me. I showed her that I wanted her. What if I find her and she doesn't want me? What do I do then?" my voice came out frustrated as I kept thinking about the whole situation. I downed the rest of my beer and placed the cup on the coffee table in front of me before continuing.

"I want her to make her own decision without the pressure of me being there. People are always pressured to follow suit when their around me. I don't want that from her" Jin-hyung looks at me with soft eyes, a small smile playing on his face. "Yaaah JK, since when were you such an adult?"

"If we are talking about maturity, everyone knows you're the youngest, hyung. That should come as no surprise" I say, sending him a glare before we both break out in a laugh. "Yaaahhhhh, I was giving you a compliment. Why do you have to attack me like that?" he manages to say in between his laugh.

We sat a little whiles longer just talking about everything - about our feelings, our struggles, our insecurities. The members knew about Y/N; I had told them the day she came to find me. To my surprise, they were all understanding. Of course I got teased, and I still do but they were there for me throughout it all, shouldering the tears I had released in front of them that day.

"Maybe coming here was her way of telling you she felt the same way. This is only my assumption, because I don't know your situation the way you do, but what if she's waiting for you to find her?" his words made my mind churn, slightly because I never thought about it like that, and slightly because I was tipsy. "But..." I started, "she didn't even try... Tae Ho said that all he told her was he didn't know about her. That was it? That was enough to make her give up?" I ran my hands through my hair and rested my elbows on my knees, keeping my dejected gaze on the floor beneath me.

"Are you stupid?" Seokjin-hyung says, earning me to turn my head in his direction, bringing my shoulders back to lean into the backrest of the couch. "Yah, think about how she feels. She was probably embarrassed. Maybe it crushed her pride. The person she travelled across the ocean to find, didn't tell a single soul about her. How would you feel? Wouldn't you want to run away too? Wouldn't you be too embarrassed to show your face again? I don't think this is a battle of who has stronger feelings, because frankly speaking, I think you both are on equal playing fields. But I think this is more about neither of you not wanting to hurt your own pride" Seokjin-hyung lets out a heavy sigh when he sees my defeated expression, one that I didn't even bother hiding. I was too tired physically, mentally and emotionally at this point to bother hiding anything. He had a point. Maybe I had too much pride to show up in front of her after leaving her in that hotel room.