The Exchange

Chapter 21

The next morning I woke up to an empty side of my bed. Azriel had already left.

I wanted him to stay, and I didn't even have to ask. I was still recovering from our adventure, and Azriel went to the bathroom and let warm water run in the bath. He carried me to the bathroom and let me soak. When I came out of the bathroom, wearing silk pyjamas that Azriel left on the stool next to the bath, he was asleep. He had taken off his shirt, but was still wearing his pants.
I lay down carefully next to him and pulled up the sheets over us both. I looked at his face for a while and put a kiss on his lips. He opened his eyes a bit and smiled at me. He kissed me back and we fell asleep.

And this morning, his side of the bed was already cold, so he had been gone for a while now.

I got myself ready for the day to come, and walked to the kitchen for breakfast. I got an apple and thought of what I wanted to do today.

I wanted to read. I hadn't read for a long time.

I made my way to the library, eating my apple as I walked.

In the library, I gave my eyes the time to admire the room. The walls were covered with books, I figured all sorts of books were here.

When you walked in the room, you saw a fireplace, not lit now ofcourse, a couch and a couple of chairs. Functioning as a place you could sit and read your book in peace.

On both sides next to the fireplace were two big windows. In front of the windows were rather big windowsills. I walked towards one of the windows and sat in the window sill. I let the sun tingle on my cheeks and enjoyed the beautiful weather as I finished my apple.

When I finished my apple, I got out of the windowsill and walked towards one of the walls filled with books. I had no idea what I wanted to read, and also no idea what kind of books I could find here. I decided to just grab a random book and see if I liked it. The first book I grabbed was 'The history of Prythian'. I could read that later, it could come in useful someday, but I wasn't in the mood to read it now.

The second book I grabbed, was called 'Heroes of Prythian and Illyrian'. That sounded quite interesting.
I opened the book on a random page and read a few lines. I found out that this was tales of important people in the history of Prythian and Illyrian.

I took the book to the living room, where I saw Feyre working on some paperwork at the table. I didn't see Rhysand with her, and I also hadn't seen or heard Cassian and Azriel.

'Goodmorning Feyre,' I greeted.

Feyre looked up from her work. 'Goodmorning.'

'Do you know where Azriel, Rhysand and Cassian are? I haven't seen or heard them, which is quite unusual,' I said jokingly.

Feyre smiled. 'They left for Illyrian early this morning, there were some problems that needed solving.'

I nodded. Well, work goes on every day, I thought.

I settled myself on the couch with my book.

'What is it you're reading?' Feyre asked.

I looked up at her. 'Heroes of Prythian and Illyrian, it seemed quite interesting,' I answered.

'It is. Rhysand made me read it, and I liked it. I think you'll like it too.'

I smiled and started reading.

The first few pages were indeed quite fun to read, but then my attention started to shift.
My thoughts went back to yesterday, to Beron yelling at me.

I didn't think I showed, but his words hurt.

'You're ugly.'

His words kept repeating itself in my head, never hurting less than they did the first time I heard them.

'You're useless.'

Tears formed in my eyes. I wiped them away, I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Feyre.
I had to be strong.

'You're disgusting.'

Think about what your father has always taught you. Don't show anyone your weakness. You can't come off as weak. If you do, you're nothing to them.

Now, my fathers words got mixed together with Beron's words.

'You'll be weak,' sounded my fathers voice inside my head.

'She's a threat,' sounded Beron.

'You'll be an easy target, easy to defeat,' said my father.

'We have to get rid of her, we can't have her here,' Beron again.

'If you do, you're nothing to them,' my father.

'You're nothing. You hear me?' shouted Beron.

'NOTHING!'

I shook my head as if that would get the voices out of my head.
I put my book away and stood up.

'Is something wrong?' Feyre asked with a concerned look on her face.

'No, no everything is fine,' I said, putting on my emotionless face. 'I just need some fresh air, so I'm going outside for a bit.'

Feyre nodded, but didn't seem so convinced.

Before she could say anything, I walked out the room to the front door and went outside.

I took a few deep breaths, in an attempt to calm myself. I told myself that it was alright, I was worthy, I was amazing, and I got some reassurance of myself.

The reassurance didn't last too long, because the next thing I felt was something hit me on the head really hard.

Before I knew it, I felt the floor under me and black covered my sight.