Heterochromia [g.a/a.u]

▪ C.II

  I eat lunch alone. Sitting at a cornered chair, looking down and ignoring people who walks pass my way. No one walked towards my way after most of them sat down. I feel comfortable.

I looked up and scan the whole cafeteria. People talking, laughing or looking through their phones

doesn't affect on how lonely I am. Besides, it's my choice on what to predict in my life anyways, no one will even judge. I'm all alone. All alone.

I pulled out a book in my bag, then flipped it to where my bookmark is placed. I read every sentence, word by word, I understood the conflict of the story. He was suffering.He has suffered for a lot of times. He has told to accept the reality and move on from his fantasy, but he couldn't. Like me, it's hard to accept the idiotic reality. I have to get out of my fantasy and live reality. I don't want people saying their stupid opinions about reality and fantasy. It depends on the person if he/she really wants to go on both paths or choose from both of them. Why would you challenge yourself? Why do we have to make our own games? 

Do we have to pretend that we didn't made the game? We have to be a fool for it. And if someone could ever realize how many times did they flaw, I would realize it too. That's why I never socialize. I don't want to count flaws and faults, blaming the broken friendship we have and everything that is full of flaws. I'm not a rule-breaker or flawed person, I am a flawed because of my eyes, but I'm not pure flawed inside.

● ● ●

After lunch, I waited until everybody got out of the cafeteria. I don't want to be stuck in a crowd. I may say that I'm claustrophobic but no I'm not, It's uncomfortable to be stuck in a crowd and I couldn't be the only one realizing it. The crowd dampened. I stood up, grabbing my bag and sliding my shoulder into the bag strap.

As I go beyond the cafeteria, I walk down the hallways. I ignore their gossips and not-so-important conversation. They're just wasting breathe and time. Some are looking at me while I'm walking, but it's not making me conscious or anything. I stopped my feet until I reach my locker. As I unlock the code, I opened it.

A soft thing hitted my head out of nowhere. I glanced down and scanned the floor, seeing a small crumpled paper. "Hey, Aplin!" A male voice called, making me glance up. "Bitch! Over here!" he shouted, I glance at my shoulder and turned around. A boy with a blue varsity jacket, Blake. Football player, LEAD football player. "What do you want?" I asked, squinting my eyes angrily.  "Oh, I'm sorry" he said, "I'm not supposed to throw a wasted crumpled paper at you because you're too innocent to call a comeback at a varsity leader!" He laughed.

That guy always banter around and bullying people like me, the principle never notice his behavior since he's a lead football player. Ugh, adults need to treat these people properly. "I'm not afraid of calling a comeback at a varsity leader of football" I said, "And besides, your behavior doesn't even deserve a trophy for it" I snapped, Slamming my locker close and stompping my way out of this. "Oh, what the fuck did you say?" he asked, but I ignored him.

  I heard footsteps, coming from Blake's feet. I heard him groan. But then I felt his hand pushed onto my back, I fell. My head on the floor. I feel my knees sore. I want to push him too, but I realized, I'm not that strong. I'm too weak to make a move. I can't do it. I have the urge to burst into tears, but I don't want them to see me crying on the floor. I silently groan in pain. Blake stomped and knelt towards me. He slides his hand onto my face, making it squish. It hurts. It hurts, I want to push his hand off my face.

"That's what you fucking get, Aplin" Blake said, "for making fun of the leader's performance"

"I really want to have your eyes" he added, "but it's just a waste. Your eyes, is fucked up! And it doesn't look fucking right at all! That's why no one likes you, you're too imperfect and it's already obvious"

You don't really care about your flaws anyways. It's obvious that he's doing this on purpose. You don't have to push me and call me imperfect. I already, am imperfect. You don't have to remind me that.

He walked away, without anymore comebacks. I push myself up, my hands planted on the floor. "Gabby!" Another male voice called. I glance at my side, seeing mr. Hyleton running towards me. He knelt down, resting his hand on my back while his other hand is on the ground. "What happened?" he asked. "It's Blake" I answered. I stood up, but my other leg is limped since it's sore. "I'll be okay" I added.

"You sure? I'll bring you to the clin-"
"I said I'm alright" I said, cutting him off and utterly irritated. It's like a misophonia condition. Being irritated easily and someone repeating the same word they just said 5 minutes ago is outright annoying.

I pulled his hand away and stomp my way out of the hallway.

People here don't or DOESN'T really understand the privacy of a wallflower, like me. The most ridiculous and stupidest thing about school is they don't understand the need of privacy. They keep secrets to trustworthys, but trustworthys will turn to unreliables anyways. Goddang people are complicated. Never realized how unreliable they already are.