Light in the darkness

Chapter 1

Another sleepless night. Another nightmare. Another memory. These nightmares suffocate me, drain me from the inside out. Evey night i'm back there, in my room. Every night i hear the screams, begging, that never stops. Every night i feel the pain, the burnings on my skin. Every night i'm back there, in my childhood, my own personal hell.

"Alexei, please!" - i can hear my mom, begging the monster to stop, but he never stops, not until he gets what he wants. Not until she is out and he is satisfied. Every night the same, screams, rape. Whenever i tried to help mom, he beat the shit out of me. I had more broken bones than anyone else, not if i knew anyone, because i didn't had any friends. I was all alone. Young, scared and alone.

I'm still alone, no one wants to be friend with demaged boy. No one ever wanted me. When i ran away, no one searched me, no one noticed i was gone. I was on my own, my whole life. All alone.

Now i'm even more alone. Two years ago i found out my mom died in a car crash, that day one part of me died, together with her. In some wierd way i blame myself for her death, because i wasn't there with her, i didn't protected her from the monster. He killed her, not the car crash, he was driving, drunk. I will never forgive him anything he did do me, to her, he ruined our lives, and now one of us is gone forever. Hopefully he will die in prison.

I feel so numb, i can't even get out of the bed, i'm so tired and hungry. Last time i ate was at school, three days ago. School is the only place i get to eat, but i'm suspended because i punched a guy, and no school means no food. I will have to figure out how to get some food today because the hunger is killing me. Sometimes i wish i die in dreams, in my own nightmares, but God doesen't want me yet.

Sound of my stomach make me get up, i feel so dizzy, i need some food. Where in the world i will find some, i don't have money, i lost my job two weeks ago, but i need it. I dress up, and leave my room, guess i will have to beg for food.

Back out on the street, my home, where i grew up nothing has changed. I put my hoodie to cover my face, and walk to my place, the place where from time to time since i got the room i go and beg for money, for food, that's how i survived this long.

At my place, i sit on the cold sidewalk and wait, wait for someone with heart. Someone who will give me a dollar or two, a leftover, no matter what.

"You poor little boy." - i hear the angelic voice above my head, and there she is, the most beautiful woman i ever saw in my life standing there, looking at me. I feel so ashamed by my appearance, and i look down again. "Come with me." - she said and gave me her hand. "Let's go eat something." - i look at her again, and the warm smile on her face, warmed me inside. Since long time i didn't felt this way, i felt love, compassion. Her smile made me take her hand and let her feed me.

•••

I could feel her stare at me, she was so calm, just looking at me, waiting me to finish my burger. She ordered almost everything from the menu, without asking me. She is so kind, not only because she feed me, there is something inside her, something mom like.

After i finished with almost everything, she put her hand on mine. "We good?" - she asked with that warm, full of love and compassion smile.  "Yes madam." - i said with cracked voice. "Thank you." She just smiled and handed me a hundred. "No! I can't!" - i said shocked, taking my hands back to me. "You can, and you will." - she said with that warm smile on her face. "I insist, please young man." I looked at her, shy, and she literally begged me with her eyes. "You don't even know me." - i said, and looked down at the table. "I don't, true, but i feel you. Please, take this and stay safe." I slowly looked up to her, and took what she ofered me. Her smile warmed me again. "Thank you." - i said. "Thank you so much." She smiled at me, and got up. "Now i have to go." - she said. "We meet again."

She left and i didn't asked for her name. She left, and i sat there alone and in shock. She left, but she saved me from hunger in next few days, i don't have to beg for now, i have enough for food and in two days i'll be back at school.

Back at school...