brain rot

just another meltdown.

the grouped noises deafened me. so much noise that only provoked my tears further. i did all that i could to avoid the eye contact that she desperately tried to obtain. she didn't even care; her real motives weren't clear, however.

finally, the familiar set of hands and soft voice of a closer friend was able to fend off everyone that i couldn't and led me to the locker-room. i could only form words within my head, my mouth being sewn together by my tears. she sat me down at the bench. millions of apologies floated in my head.

the more she spoke the me, the calmer i got. she promised to ride the bus home with me. all i could do was nod. the teacher came in and informed me to stay there for the rest of the period, while my friend was excused back into the gymnasium.

it grew quiet. the shifting of my movement was the loudest in the room for a while. i scolded myself for not verbally thanking her. i felt guilty. i was supposed to be using that time to be getting participation points for the day. i even sucked up other's time all because i got overwhelmed. i hate this. i wish my emotions weren't so uncontrollable. yet they are. and i'm not quite sure what to do about it.

the buzzer rang the thoughts out of my head. i'll just press on like i usually do. it was getting loud again. it's almost over.

an - these aren't from too long ago, but basically, i used to have really bad breakdown problems. they still linger, but i am working on ways to calm myself down and make it to where i'm able to instead focus on what other people are doing and think positively.

bless my bff lol