No Two Hearts

Chapter 4

Present Time

    The repetitive ringing sound of my iPhone as it waited for the person on the other line to pick up, was causing me to freak out. The walls of my bedroom felt like they were rapidly closing in on me, and there was no way I could stop them.

    Maybe it wasn't the actual sound of the ringing, but rather the person on the other end of the call.

"Hey babe."

    The voice quickly brought my attention back to the phone that was now beginning to slip out of my trembling hands.

    "Hi Tyler. Uh, I need to talk to you about something important," I mumbled, as I wondered if this conversation would go the way I had practiced a thousand times before.

"Sure Kinny, what's up?"

    I instantly regretted sending Jayden home after we finished packing my luggage, because her support during this call would definitely help me through it.

    "So," I began, "You obviously know I'm moving to that small town in Kansas, right?"

    "Yeah of course. I'm gonna miss you so much baby. But I'll call you everyday, I promise," he responded, which made my heart lurch in my chest, despite everything he put me through this past year.

    I had practiced this so many times, thinking that it would be in-person rather than over the phone. If anything, this should be easier, because I didn't have to look him in the eyes while I ended things. So why did I immediately forget everything I rehearsed for the past three weeks, as soon as I heard his voice?

    "I- uh. We need to break up," I blurted out, not thinking about it. I felt my face turning red and my already trembling hands were now shaking uncontrollably.

    "What. The. Fuck. Kinsely?!" He shouted into the phone.

"Tyler I-," I started before being cut off.

    "No! I put up with your 'I'm not ready' shit for five months, and then I had to put up with your crying or whining every time we had sex for the last year! And after ALL that you would THINK I deserved to keep you around as my girlfriend, long distance or not, but no. You have the fucking gall to break up with me? You ungrateful little bitch!" He shouted, in a tone I knew the meaning behind far too well by now.

    I could feel an anxiety attack quickly threatening to take over, but it had to wait until I got off the phone. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much his words hurt me.

    "Ty, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I just thought it was the most practical decision. I mean it's a 21 hour drive from Philly to Kansas, and you know I can't afford to fly back and forth all the time. I- this is so hard."

    "You know what, go to hell. You think you won't immediately regret this as soon as you drive off to your little cow town? You will, just wait. Fuck you, you fucking bitch. And if you ever tell a soul about anything, I'll fucking kill you. Fuck."

    As I heard the dial tone, and the call screen disappeared, I hurled my phone across my room in frustration. I curled my knees to my chest as I leaned against the wooden bed frame, slowly rocking back and forth in an attempt to calm my irregular breathing.

    Shaking, sweating, my heart racing and pounding in my chest. It was the same thing whenever it happened, but to me, each attack felt like I was experiencing it for the first time.

    No matter how much I tried to push it away, keep it all down, my emotions would bubble inside of me until something, big or small, triggered an attack. And apparently, my conversation with Tyler two seconds ago was enough to pull that out.