THORN

chapter one

Alexandria Green

Emptiness.
It's the one word that can perfectly describe me in every way. It's that constant void that you have stinging in your chest that never seems to fade. Speaking from experience you have to go through a lot of pain to reach that point of  feeling nothing . Being numb is one of the most dangerous feelings that a person can have. It's  that voice in your head that makes you touch that hot iron, or stand too close near those train tracks, cross the street without looking, and it can never be shut off. Can never be fixed. The feeling of floating in this dark empty sphere we call living. But no one calls it living anymore when all you want is to disappear. Just completely disintegrate into thin air leaving absolutely no trace of yourself behind.

So here I am pretending to be living while staring at myself in my wood framed mirror, asking myself how I got here.How waking up every morning began to feel like a chore. To try and distract myself I throw my black long hair that reaches my mid stomach up in a tight pony. After I run the cold water from the faucet in the sink and quickly brush my teeth and my face. Getting myself up everyday is a constant reminder of how I live the same day over and over again.

Surprisingly working in the mafia brings you the same daily routine everyday. While at least for my job it does. My job title here is "Head Weapons and Training" but no one usually refers to me as that. I basically just train and teach the new trainees the mafia finds every year to level them up in their own titles.

I've dragged a close friend into being an "Assistant for Weapons and Training" and it's made this job a lot more enjoyable. Working under the Sinclair name in the mafia is one of the most dangerous jobs there is. The Sinclair's were the most powerful and ruthless family to ever own the mafia. Well used to be.

I continue to get myself ready so I can leave on time and throw on a simple pair of black leggings and a matching sports bra before I head out for the day. I don't actually mean leave to go outside, just going to another part of this giant building I live in. To my knowledge this endless building is located in a desolated area in New York. From the moment I stepped in here 10 years ago I've never left to visit the city were supposedly located in so I'm not entirely sure. I've never actually left for my own benefit, only when I was labeled an "Associate".

In the mafia an "Associate" are the people assigned to any mission the mafia wants. Usually including drug trades, murder, robberies, or anything similar. We aren't members of the mafia, we simply just work for them and have to do anything they say.

The only way out is death unless repositioned by the boss of said family. The head of the Sinclair family is the reason I'm no longer titled as an "Associate" now just being a trainer for upcoming "Associates."My boss and everyone else's here is unknown, completely anonymous. Even though I'm no longer titled an "Associate" I still work for the mafia and have absolutely no way out.

I fucking hate living like this.

Anyone under the Sinclair name lives in this huge building that lasts for endless amount of miles. Six floors of this building holds apartments of anyone currently living here. Most people leave after they pass the training class and join under a new family name or become a permanent Associate for the Sinclair's. There's nothing around us but fields of nothingness but thankfully everything we need is here with us. We are provided with shopping malls, gyms, stores, restaurants, along with rooms for training and learning. All of the apartments are on the left side while anything else is on the right. I've been surrounded by this my whole life so I'm quite used to it to say the least.

A knock on my door distracts me from the constant rambling in my head and I quickly get up and answer it, already knowing who it is.

"Alex!" the Irish voice excitedly booms through my pretty large apartment making a smile appear on my face immediately. When I get the door unlocked I'm met with the same blue eyes and blondish hair that has been by my side for about 6 years now.