After his parents' sudden death, Chester Covington leaves everything behind and moves in with his aunt.
But nobody knows what is going on behind the facadé of a traumatized boy who has watched his parents die that he puts up ever single day of his...
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I run my hand through my hair in frustration, plopping down on the couch.
He ran away.
I shouldn't have picked up that damn phone. But I already knew that he wouldn't want to stay with me anyway. He would run from me some day and escape from my grasp, I know that, no matter how deep my stomach sinks at just the thought of it. As soon as he catches even a glimpse of the real me, of that side of me that is buried so deep inside of my mind that not even I can get to it, he will run without a look back.
And for some reason, I'm dreading it. For the first time since my mother's death, I'm dreading the possibility of someone leaving me. I'm used to it, used to people fearing me, but with Chester, I don't want him to. I want to keep him close - so close that only I can have him. I want him for myself, because my fucked up mind sees in every single person, and every single guy in particular, who talks to him and gets too close to him, a threat. A threat, because of the thousands of possibilites that could make him turn his back on me.
Maybe that's greedy, maybe that's selfish. But after feeling such a strong urge for someone after not feeling anything at all for such a long time, I don't want to lose that.
So, maybe I should stop holding myself back. I should just go for it; I should keep him close, should make him stay, should do what my heart urges me to do and ignore the voices of common sense in my mind.
But if he leaves me in the end, I won't stop him. I will protect him and keep him so close that nobody can catch even a glimpse of him, but when he starts fearing me and wants to run, I won't force him to stay. Because if I did, I would risk losing not only him but myself as well.
I would lose myself to him, and would end up keeping him so close that it'd suffocate him.
So many people have left me, so many have become terrified of me; so, it won't make a difference when he does too, right?
I don't know.
But I do know that I'm sick of refraining myself from wanting him.
So, after today, I won't do it anymore.
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