Lost // michael clifford

Two

I never thought I would see those piercing green eyes looking at me again. It was hypnotising. I couldn't find the right words to say to him. Why was he in here? Is this the reason he left without so much as a goodbye?

"I can't believe you're my new roommate." He breathed.

"Four months. I haven't seen you or heard from you in four months and that's all I get?" I said to him frustrated. The least I could get was a 'I'm sorry I ran out on you while you were sleeping and made no effort to contact you for four months.'

"Ash I'm sor-" he started but I cut him off.

"No. Don't call me that."

"Ashleigh, I'm sorry. I had no choice." He looked at me and I could see the pain in his eyes but I couldn't just forgive him that easily.

"Look, we're roommates now for God knows how long so I'll be civil but don't expect me to be your friend." I said and walked out of our room. I started walking down the hallway to get as far away from him as possible.

"Ashleigh wait!" I heard him call after me and I stopped walking but didn't turn around. His footsteps started to pick up when I heard another voice.

"Michael! Where are you going? Come in and hang out." A girl said to him and I started walking again. It hurt enough being completely cut off from him, I didn't need to see him with another girl. I could really use a drink right now.
As I kept walking, a very tall boy turned the corner and we walked into each other.

"Wow, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" He asked me putting his hands on my shoulder.

"Yeah I'm fine, are you okay?" I looked back at him.

"Yeah I'm good." He laughed. "You couldn't do much damage."

"True." I laughed with him.

"I'm Luke by the way." He stuck his hand out and smiled.

"Ashleigh." I shook his hand politely.

"Well, I'll see you around Ashleigh." He waved and continued walking down the hallway I came from. I didn't know where I was going so I just kept walking until I got tired and then headed back to my room, praying Michael wouldn't be there. But of course, he was.

"Ashleigh can we talk?" He asked almost desperately.

"Well I have nothing better to do." I sat down on my bed but was extremely uncomfortable in my jeans.

"Do you want to change first?" He looked at me and I shook my head. "Ash, I'm no mind reader but you look very uncomfortable in those jeans. Just put on a pair of shorts or sweatpants."

I didn't say anything back to him but just got up and put on a pair of old volleyball sweats.

"There you go." Michael smiled and came and sat beside me.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked blandly. I didn't feel good at all and all I wanted was a nap.

"I just wanted to explain what happened and also just say that the first few weeks will be hell here but it does get easier." He told me and right now I don't believe that this will ever get better.

"You don't have to explain anything. You left and that's it. People break up it happens." I stated.

"But Ashleigh, I didn't choose to leave you. I would never leave you, I'm in love with you and that will never change. That night I did come back but when I walked in your mom was waiting for me and she wasn't happy. She started threatening me and my family and I got scared. She told me that if I didn't leave right then and never talk to you again she would do horrible things. Things that I cannot mostly remember because my brain is still kind of messed up from the shit I did afterwards but I've never stopped loving you Ashleigh. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I just wish I could take it all back and never left that night. None of this would be happening." He poured out to me and tears brimmed my eyes.
I don't know if it's the detox or the fact that I've never really heard of Michael being that scared or my mom being that much of a bitch but I was emotional about this.

"Where did you go?" I asked him because I was always curious.

"Well I wasn't sleeping very well and I was a little bored so I went and got food and brought you back a smoothie but never got the chance to give it to you." He looked at me.

"You disconnected your number and everything." I said and a few tears escaped.

"I had to tell someone what was happening and so I talked about it with my dad and he said it would be smart because we knew you'd try to call and your mom would've found out that I was talking to you. I couldn't tell you Ash because I didn't think you would believe me. I know I hurt you but I really didn't want to. I hurt myself by doing it as well." He put a hand on my leg and the warmth startled me but it was soothing. I forgot what it felt like when he touched me.

"So, why are you here?" I asked my final question for the day and took a deep breath because I felt very drained.

"After it all Ash, I was in a very bad place. I dropped out of school, I stopped playing guitar, I didn't want to do anything. I was lost without you and I needed something to take everything away. An escape. So, I started drinking. Partying. Smoking, just anything really. I had no limits or morals. I started to use prescription pills but because they were hard to find, I found a dealer. Very organised guy downtown. His name was Daniel and he gave me what I needed but he got worried about me and stopped supplying me. I knew I had a problem when I couldn't even last one night without the high so I told my dad and he found this place. I've been here a little over a month now and it's still hard as dick but they make it easier." He told me everything and I almost laughed. "What?" He looked at me smiling.

"We had the same dealer but I would've described him differently." I looked back at Michael and his eyes were wide.

"No way." He chuckled. "How would you describe him?"

"Super nice, organised, bad kisser, caring guy downtown who happens to be a drug dealer but will cut you off at your worst times." I said after thinking about it for a little bit.

"Well I've never kissed him so I couldn't add that in any aspect." He said a little hurt but still in a joking way.

"Yeah, very short lived, high all the time fling." I justified myself.

"You were super hot, new girlfriend who has an attitude." He pointed at me and laughed.

"I guess so." I slightly laughed with him.

"So how did you end up here of all places?" He questioned becoming more serious. I knew he was going to ask me but I should've thought a little more about what I was going to say.

"Well, it was kind of the same path as you minus the partying. Drinking, smoking, pills and then one day Daniel gave me a very lovely gift that sort of ruined everything. He had heroine and decided to be generous and let me have some and it was unlike any high I'd ever been on. He warned me that it was super addicting but I didn't think one time would result in me almost immediately needing it. I went back to him but I got nothing so I found some other guy who gave me some and then went for a round two but it was short lived because Kim found me and told me that she was pregnant so I knew I had to clean up and be there for her and her baby so I told my parents and they put me here." I explained to him and he looked shocked.

"Wow. I guess we really do need each other." He joked but I believe he is correct. "Kim's pregnant huh?"

"Yeah." I sighed. "She always said we would be the first ones because we were so careless." I laughed lightly thinking about it.

"That would happen huh?" He laughed and kissed my hand. Something he always used to do. It really brought back the feeling I always used to get whenever he would kiss me. All the memories we had. Everything that had to do with Michael. It was warm and exciting. Safe. But I couldn't get hurt again. If he left once, he'll leave again.

"Michael, I can't do this again. We need to keep our distance." I said moving my hand away from his.

"Ashleigh, I can't give you distance. I love you with everything in me. I know I hurt you but I can make up for it. It'll never happen again, you have to believe me. We're here together again. It's fate Ash. We're meant to be. Don't give up 11 years for four stupid months." He looked me in the eye and at that moment I knew that I would have to forgive him because he makes everything better. I won't survive here if I don't have him.