Unspoken Goodbyes

Chapter 1

"Love, thank you." he said before I could ever speak as I answered his call. I assumed he received my gift. Today is our 8th anniversary. And this is the third anniversary we will be spending apart. I am currently working here in Dubai as a chef in the biggest airport hotel in the world.

"You're welcome. It's not that much but I hope you liked it." It wasn't really that much compared to the gifts and surprises I gave him the previous years. I just asked my sister to send him a balikbayan box full of groceries. I remembered me and my mom arguing about it. She would always tell me that gifts should be reciprocated. And Leo, never gave me an anniversary gift. I had always try to understand and defend him since he's not from a well-off family. And he just graduated and just starting earning.

"I arranged a mini lunch here to celebrate our anniversary. Since we're apart and we can not celebrate it together." he said on the other line.

I forced a smile. Of course he arranged a lunch and drinking session with his friends ON OUR ANNIVERSARY. Of course he has an excuse of not giving me anything beside a greeting, distance. How lucky he is to have distance as an excuse. But aren't we both thousands of miles away from each other? Yet there he is, with a gift from me on our anniversary. Fuck that.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked as I failed to respond.

"Sorry, an order came. Talk to you later. Happy anniversary love. Enjoy your celebration." and I dropped the call.

Nope. There wasn't a single order. It just hit me. I also want to receive gifts, be surprised on special days like this. And that maybe my mom is right all along. These things should be reciprocated and not by excuses.

I sat on my swivel chair, tried to calm myself down. And in my head, I made excuses for him that I really want to justify. But the more I sit there making those damn excuses, the more I feel my chest tighten. And the next thing I know, I was crying.

He might have enjoyed his celebration that much that my shift is almost ending when I received a message from him. A group photo of him and his colleagues and I assume with their girl friends with the lunch he prepared for them. He look so happy. I wish I'm also that happy.

As I lay in bed after a chill day at work, we barely had guest since I'm assigned in the Executive Lounge where we cater guests of Executive Rooms that have the most expensive rate at the hotel, I received another message.

"Love, are you home? Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" Sucks. When you are in a relationship for this long, you can no longer hide what you're feeling. Everything seems to be so transparent. We can read every movement, every word and every silence Leo and I share.

There's no point keeping my mouth shut. And isn't the best way to keep a relationship is to communicate? And so I said it. I said what's bothering me. And I know, deep in my heart he'll find a way to make me feel bad about it.

"I'm just disappointed I guess. You celebrated our anniversary with your friends, not me." I sent it before I could even delete it.

"How can we celebrate it together? You're there and I'm here. Alam mo namang impossible. Bakit ka disappointed?"

How clueless. How insensitive.

"My mom told me everything should be reciprocated. If you know what I mean. But I do, I do love spoiling you. Sometimes, I just want to feel how you feel." There is no turning back. He needs to know how I feel. How I feel about us, about this. Am I being unreasonable? He's earning now. Is it too hard to message one of my friends here in Dubai, ask them to buy me anything, a flower or a meal? Is it really that hard? Am I asking too much?