Unspoken Goodbyes

Chapter 2

I took my time walking to Mr. Chandika's place. Jess went straight there after her shift at the hotel, so I assume she's there now. I keep composing myself not to cry. I keep telling myself not to ruin the party they prepared for me. But unconsciously, I sent Jess a message.

"Ate, salubungin mo naman ako sa baba. Parang kailangan ko ng akap."

"Okay Eli. Baba na ko. See you there. Happy birthday bata."

I'm just a block away to Mr. Chandika's place now, but I had to stop walking. Have you ever felt like your heart ached too much, breathing seems to be intolerable? I feel like I lost a part of me.

Eight years ago, when I first met him, he was this ragged boy, working his ass off at mornings and drinking at night. He was 17, I was turning 16. I was visiting his sister, Klarise, and all this time I thought she was an only child. I never saw any of her siblings everytime I visit her. But since I'm staying the night, I finally met her siblings. She has younger siblings, Leo is 17 and Dimple is 14. Leo attends to everyone and he talks a lot. While Dimple is the shy one. She just smiles at me. After dinner, they started drinking. Klarisse, who I met because of our interest in same celebrity, is 3 years older than me, and she doesn't drink. Leo might had a little too much to drink that she knocked on Klarisse's room just to ask for my number. Klarisse clearly asked me to ignore him. But I couldn't see anything wrong about it. Leo's Klarisse brother. And I treat Klarisse as family. So Leo is basically family now.

"Lasing ka na ata Leo e. Wag mo pinagtri-tripan mga kaibigan at bisita ko a." Klarisse said as her eyes are throwing daggers to Leo.

"Hindi ko siya pagtri-tripan Klarisse. KJ mo. Chill ka nga. Number lang e. Malay mo kailanganin kitang hanapin kay Eli balang araw." Leo is witty. I smiled as I saw Klarisse rolled her eyes declaring her defeat.

It took Leo three days after that encounter for him to finally message me. Then I noticed was he was always at home everytime I visit Klarisse. He will always bring food and will try to bond with us. He'll ask us to play cards or any board games. Klarisse was just as amused as me. We were talking for a month when we finally made it official. We were young and I would have never thought we'll last eight years, damn not even a year.

Someone tapped my shoulder and brought me back from my deep thoughts.

"Eli. Bakit ka nan'dyan? May inaantay ka ba?" Jess looked so confused.

I then realized I'm still a block away from Mr. Chaminda's place. I've been standing here for how long now? I didn't even get the chance to answer when Jess hugged me.

"Ayan bata a. Ayan na yung request mong yakap. Yan na birthday gift ko sayo. Tara na, ikaw na lang inaantay don e. Baka lasing na sila ngayon." she laughed.

As I opened the door, all the lights are switched off and the birthday candle was the only light I can see. "Happy Birthday to you..." I laughed as they only sang the last part. Mr. Chandika was holding the cake and I closed my eyes to make a wish, a tear dropped. But somehow, with all of my friends with me, I felt better.

And as how we always celebrate birthdays, the night was full of food and drinks; of dancing and singing; of sharing crazy stories. I guess, Jess have briefed them since no one mentioned Leo's name the whole night. Others had to go home earlier since they have work the next day but some of us are off the next day so we only stopped drinking at 6 am.

Mr. Chaminda walked me and Jess back home since it's just few blocks away. We passed by some small store where we grabbed our hot chai to make our drunken self better. Knowing Jess, she'll fall asleep the moment her skin touches her bed.

Being friends is always the best escape from pain. And now that I'm back here in my bed as my three roommates are sleeping, all I can think of is Leo. I tried to call him. No answer. It just keeps ringing but no answer.

"I hope you're feeling better now. Sana naisip mo na that we mean no harm. Love, I miss you. I'm home now. May duty ka ba?" I sent him a message as if he did not break up with me. I'm hoping this is just one of our many fights.

"Lagi ka na lang bang wala? Ni hindi mo masagot mga message ko. Ganyan ka ba ka-busy sa trabaho mo?" I shout over the phone. This was our first fight. It was our anniversary and he was working. He works in a distribution company. He distributes goods to their resellers in places that's why he's always not around. He didn't pursue college because he can't see the point of it since he can find jobs that earns enough money.

"Love. I'm sorry. Uuwi naman na ako, konting araw na lang."

I was childish. My relationship with Leo is the first serious relationship I had. The guys I dated before him was just for the sake of having someone. You know, when you are in high school and everyone seems to have boyfriends, it feels like you're obligated to have one too. So all the guys before Leo were just front, nothing serious.

And like other young couples, we kiss and made up after that fight. Somehow, he stopped going to work. As per him, he took a week off. But that one week became two weeks.

"Love, pahawak naman nitong envelope." as he hand me over a white envelope. He looked so happy and excited.

I was so confused to see the university's name and logo in the envelope. But somehow, I knew what it means. I opened the envelope as he looked at me with his hopeful eyes.

"College Admission for BS in Criminology"

"No way love. You finally decided to go to college?" I asked.

"Yes. Your family made me realize how important it is to have a degree. I want to be the man you deserve Eli."

And I knew then, he's the man I want to marry.

When I woke up, Kat and Rhian already left for work. While Jess was sitting on her bed ordering Gatorade for herself and I guess the rice was for our stock. That's something I will always love about Dubai, being able to order from small grocery owners and they will deliver it to you.

"Bata, I ordered soup for the two of us. I ordered you beef wanton noodles. Di ba yun favorite mo? Grabe sakit ng ulo ko." Jess being her usual self, such an ate.

So that's the smell that woke me up. I just said my thank you and started eating.

Leo was a 3rd year student when I received the offer for my job here in Dubai. I was 20 then. I asked him if it would be fine for him if I accept the job offer.

"Go, that's your dream love. Remember, we will always be each other's #1 supporter. Go get that job. I will always be here waiting for you."

The night he took me and my mom to the bus station going to Manila, I held his hand tighter than usual. I acted tough though I was actually anxious about our relationship. I know that LDR wouldn't be easy. We can't just go to each other's house to apologize and to resolve our fights. I'm scared. It's not that I don't trust him. More like, I don't trust myself. I tend to find comfort from people I can touch, I can talk to and I can be with when I'm sad. And two years seem a really long time.

"We'll talk everyday love. Always take care of yourself there. Wag kang suma-sama sa mga lalake. I won't be there to protect you. I love you."

The bus came and my mom called me to go now. I kissed my dad and hugged him tightly since he's not joining me to Manila so that my siblings won't be left alone. And before I head my way up to the bus, I gave Leo one last hug. And he kissed my in my forehead.

"See you in two years Eli, I love you."

Looking back at it now, I knew that was our first unspoken goodbye.