jesus x judas- enemies to lovers

a visitor- part 2

judas pov-

i heard someone knocking at the door. then i heard a voice. his voice. it was husky and deep. jk. it wasnt. that just sounds kinda sexy ngl

anywho, he knocked at the door frantically. but i pushed him away. i knew he just wanted to tell me off for being a bad kitten. but i had to let me feelings out somehow, and how else would i have done it other than singing my heart out to fight song by rachel platten in front of 11 men in their twenties?

i considered opening the door just to see his face again but i coldnt bring myself to.
i heard him sigh from outside the door and turn away. i let out a small sigh myself. perhaps it would have been better if we'd talked things out.
suddenly, his voice came back once more,

"see you tomorrow , judas." he said, disappointed. then, i heard the gravely, graveled sound of gravel touching sandals on a gravel walkway. he was gone for good.

i felt a pang of regret. i shouldnt have embarrassed myself by singing my heart out to fight song by rachel platten..
now jesus probably hated me.

i sobbed and began singing again. this time, i sung my heart out to my very own rendition of lost boy..

"i am a lost boy.."

"from bethlehem.."

"usually hangin out with.."

"j-j...jesus christ.."
i could hardly say his name. tears streamed down my face. i was so broken.. outside im crying.. inside.. i..i- im..
dying.

he probably hated me now..

what should i do now??