Hopeless

Chapter 1 - Surprise!

I am so sorry!!! I haven't updated because I have been really busy. I hope you like my chapter...it is terrible so you won't but you might be crazy and actually like it. Anyway, enjoy!

It had been one week, two days, and four hours. Yes, I was counting. School had started again and my dad tried to get me to go to school and see my friends. Does he not understand that I can't go out in the world and laugh with my friends? I can't be happy when she is gone, the guilt would crush me. Today I got out of bed and went to my mirror out of habit. What I saw scared me, I was wearing the same clothes I had when I went to see her for the last time at the hospital. My eyes were red and puffy from crying and my hair...isn't what you would hair. You would call it a place where rats live.

It has now been three weeks and I was feeling a little better. By a little better I mean I feel like crap.

 I had a secret, a secret no one had known...but my sister. She was the only one I had confided in and now that she was gone I don't know what to do. Should I do what she was telling me to or wait until I was sure of what I was feeling? I have to decide by tomorrow because that's when my parents have forced me to go back to school. 

I have to do it. In honor of my sister, I have to. 

I woke up Monday morning feeling good...ish. I decided that if I was going to school, I was gonna do it in style. I wore a plain white crop top with high jeans and white Nikes. It was definitely a change from my usual style because I usually wore grey boring clothes so I didn't stand out. I walked downstairs and quickly fried myself an egg. Ugh, it was way too salty, and that was coming from a girl who loved lots of salt. 

"Good, you're up, " my mom said to me as she came into the kitchen. "Finish that egg then let's go, kay?

"Sure, " I replied, my voice sounding hollow even to my ears.  

When we got to school I started wishing that I could change out of what I was wearing, and into my grey clothes, but I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. 

"Bye, mom!" I said. 

"Bye honey have a good day!" she called out as she started driving away.

I walked through the doors with my head down and hands in my pockets. I definitely regretted wearing these clothes. What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!? Whatever no one would even notice my return to school. Or so I thought before I walked through the door to have all of my friends/acquaintances standing in the lobby holding a sign saying "WE ARE SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS." Then to make it all worse someone saw me and pulled the rest of the group towards me.  They all crowded around offering condolences that I had heard over and over and over again since Jasmine's death. Tammy and Mathew (my best friends) stood in the front of the group kinda leading them in their effort to make me feel better. I started hyperventilating and my legs went weak, I couldn't do this. Why did my parents make me do this? 

"I-l can't do this!" I said between gasps and sobs.  Then forgetting school, forgetting my secret that I was supposed to reveal, I ran. I ran from everything sobbing all the way. I didn't care where I ran I just wanted to go. Go far, far away from here.