Living in Fear (Zarcel)

Chapter 26

Marcel(POV)

I have thought many and many times about ending my life, maybe if i'm gone than everyone else in the world will be happy that they have no geeky faggot living along under their feet. We had already set our tent up, we have already unloaded most of our bags from the bus and placed it all on the side just to go through everything, Mr. Sheeren wants to check and make sure we didn't bring any weapons, Drugs, beer, nor electronics just for the time we're here. He wants to make sure that the ipods and cell phones we used on the bus stay with him that way we don't cheat just to look nature up. Maybe this will be an easier way for me to end my life for good, Maybe no one will find out about this while suicide thing and they'll just move on like nothing happened. My mind was clouded with thoughts, the thoughts of my death being easy and forgotten within seconds. I watched as Zayn's mates, who have been hating on me ever since god know's when. I watched as they laughed and talked about people from our school who are stuck there learning and dealing with mean teachers. They seemed to be very happy, they seemed to have everything under control as they threw water bottles at each other, they looked as if they didn't have a care in the world. I clenched up my fist, Feeling all the warm blood in my body turn into something cold and unwanting, i hated them for what they have done to me, how they have treated me when all i have done was stay out of their way. I wanted to make them feel the same pain i felt when they would jump me nor throw harsh words at me like i was some homeless creature. My eyes burned with hatred, hot tears wanting to show off as Louis and two other guys spotted me. They only stopped just to give me the same look they have been ever since school started.  

''What's wrong baby? Their not going to do anything to you while i'm here, i already told them to stop fucking with you too. Come on love, let's get inside.'' Looking at Zayn who was straight out dogging his own mates, was he being serious? Does he really care for me? I watched as he grabbed my hand just to pull me inside, getting away from those stares as louis and his mates started talking again. ''I know you probably think that i'm only using you, i could see it in you're eyes babe. I'm not trying to hurt you, i really do care about you and i want to show you that i'm a changed man. I'm only trying to impress you so you can actually give me this chance into believing me. I don't care about my reputation which is why i'm going to tell everyone at school about our relationship. I'll even tell my parents about you babe, you just have to wait until this whole camping trip is over than we could start a new life together. I don't want to hide in the shadows anymore, i want to come out and be the one to defend you when needed, i want to be the one to hold you when you're sad, kiss you when you're crying, shit i want to love you like no other. I want you to know that, deep down from the bottom of my heart, you're nothing but a loving person to me and all that is going to stay the same when i start acting like the man you need and possibly want in you're life.'' I looked away, blushing like crazy. Does he really mean all that? 

We got comfortable with getting ready to lay down, me still being fully dressed and having my awesome dress shoes on. I couldn't take them off, i have holes in my socks and my feet look to big to me shoe-less. Zayn cupped my cheeks in his hands, looking me in the eyes as he moved closer. Me doing the same thing as well, we have kissed plenty of times but why does this one seem so different? 

''I don't want you leaving me Marcel, you're so perfect and i'm going to help you figure that our later on in the future if you still want to be with me. I hope you do, i can't stand being alone and yet....This isn't really about me, more about how i hate being without you. Let me hold you Marcel, let me just cuddle you against my chest so you know how my heart really feels about you. You have me wanting to beat myself up everyday just thinking about how i treated you just because you're the bravest person i have ever met in my life. I know that what i had done to you doesn't make up for anything else, i just want us to at least try to forget and move on to the cute little couple i have wanted for so long now.'' Biting my lip, i slowly kicked off my shoes, ignoring zayn's stare as he bent down to take off my socks. ''I want to do this for you, you're beautiful so no hiding baby. I want you to stop being so insecure because let me tell you this.....You are the most gorgeous person i have ever laid my eyes on. I may have said rude things to you back than but maybe that was because i was so jealous of you. You're smart, You have perfect skin, you're......You're just amazing and it's hard to even think about other people when i'm constantly thinking about you. Thank you for giving me another chance and letting me take you on for this whole partner tent thing, i know Mr. Sheeran was going to give you you're own but i guess you just wanted to share with me.....or the fact that i kind of forced you.'' He put his head down in shame, this time i wanted to be the one to comfort him. I placed my fingers under his chin, looking at how his eyes were glazed over with tears.