Living in Fear (Zarcel)

Chapter 15

Marcel(POV)

Why was i so stupid to think everything was actually getting better? After being back at school with fresh bruises on my face and my entire body from my father and his two mates, i couldn't help but feel like i was being watched. I was so paranoid the whole morning, Jeff didn't even come to school and he already apologized like a million times to which i found a bit funny since he felt really bad. I told him it was alright, that he needed his rest. And trust me, when i seen him...He looked really awful and to me jeff usually looks really good. I mean yeah he's cute and all but sometime someone can look scary when their sick. Enough with poor jeff, i'm currently getting my books out of my locker without a care in the world, i usually take my time since my biology teacher doesn't  mind me going to class two minutes late. Huffing out, i looked down at my old shoes while making my way to class. Life is so boring, i just do the everyday thing without something great and exciting happening in it. As i was close to turning the corner, i could hear a few guys talking...guys that sounded as if they were on the football team. 

''Mate i don't know if we can just walk out of school without any teachers finding out that we're gone. We're fucking popular here and if someone points out that we're not in class than they'll snitch on our arse's. And you know coach has us doing piss test's every weekend just to make sure we're not on some sort of drug and shit. I don't think i'm going man, i just don't like the thought of getting caught and then kicked off the team right before the big game.'' Rolling my eyes, that's all these stupid jocks care about now a days. 

''Your such a fucking pussy mate, it's just one fucking day. We can just tell coach that you were feeling sick because kids here kept talking about how we're going to lose the game and you were already in a bad mood enough today for not eating.'' Wow his friend is actually trying to make up excuses but using him? That's just so messed up, that's not even a true friend right there. I know if jeff would have done something like that to me, than i would probably cry myself to sleep in the boys bathroom. I have my trust in jeff's hands right now and if he was to lie to me about anything or even go behind my back than i would just break down into baby tears and never find another friend again. I know jeff trust's me since he's always coming to me for help about certain things....No not any dirty things either, just homework, cooking, and even drawing which is just adorable. 

''Why can't you say your the one that's nervous and hasn't ate anything? There you go again mate, using me for something i didn't even agree on.'' I decided to just walk away before anyone catches me listening to the two idiots that think they can get away with ditching just to go smoke. Why is smoking so important anyways? There's nothing cool about it, Shoot....jeff doesn't even smoke and he's cool. But zayn....Zayn smokes alot and he looks pretty intimidating that way. I huffed out in annoyance just by thinking about zayn, why do i keep thinking about him out of the blue? I have never thought about the raven haired boy....not before jeff came that is. So why now? Shaking my head, i turned to just leave even though my class is right on the other side of that hallway but i'd rather not want a beating right now. Walking towards my locker, someone was already leaning against it looking my way. 

''Ah there you are Marcel, i noticed your new friend isn't here today? Is he sick or something? Would have thought so since he was out in the cold with you lately.'' How did he know? I bit my lip trying to avoid eye contact, i really don't want a problem with him right now. ''Aren't you suppose to be in class anyways? Wouldn't have taken the nerdy faggot to be much of a ditcher.'' He started chuckling while kicking himself off my locker and walking closer to were my feet were planted to the floor. ''You don't have to be afraid, i'm not going to hurt you today. I'm to much of in a good mood to touch a strand of hair on your pretty little head. But you better watch your fucking back, don't think that just because you have a new friend and that he's bigger than most of us here.....don't think that he'll kick my arse.'' I quickly nodded while keeping my gaze on the floor were it belongs. 

''I-i do-don't thi-think th-that at a-all.'' I whispered, trying to sound a bit brave but failed of course. I could fee his presence come closer as he cupped my cheeks in his cold hands, he smelt like smoke and......bubble gum. I didn't want to pull away, i didn't want to stay this way either.....but do i have a choice?

''Your skin is so soft, why would anyone want to color it with purple bruises? You know.....I never got a good look at you but without the glasses and the ugly arse hair style, you might have passed as cute or maybe pretty. Don't think so high of yourself though, your still a ugly little faggot that has no one but the daddy at home who likes to help his boy get off.'' Flinching a bit, i wanted to run but i knew if i tried than that would make things worse, i wanted to scream for someone to help but i forgot that no one likes me here, i wanted to ditch school but than that would mean i would have to go home to a horny father who waits for me when i'm not working. ''Sad how someone like your daddy can't see what your going through at school either huh? I bet if he found out then he would have most of the boys here that have been talking about taking you in the boys bathroom and having their way with your useless arse.'' I snapped from staring at the floor and looking into his honey colored eyes with tears dying to fall from mine.

''Wh-what?'' Was all i could say, my mind was now falling apart as my body was as well, i can't believe he just said that. Was he telling the truth? Or was he trying to scare me as some stupid mean joke?

 ''Oh you heard me Marcel, i know that you like shit up your arse which is why i didn't say anything to them. I seen they way you walk here in the mornings, with a slight limp as well. It looks like you enjoy having someone else fuck you, now i'm thinking it's your daddy but i have always thought strange shit. I'm just going to conclusion but i know for sure who does it now, is it your new friend? Is it the boy with blue eyes? but than again.....Even before he came, you would still walk here with that same limp. So it had to be your daddy.'' He moved closer to were his nose was touching mine. ''Your a disgusting creature that deserves to be alone forever, i bet you ask your daddy to fuck you and when he says no, you go and fuck yourself on your dildos huh? You stick about two up there while moaning someones name.'' He gave me a look of hatred, i started crying a little while squeezing my eyes shut. ''Is that why daddy hits his kid? Is that why daddy doesn't want you home anymore? Your a waste of space Marcel, and no one wants you here just as much as your daddy doesn't want you.''

''J-jeff do-does.'' I whimpered out, trying to push him away while he gripped my cheeks harder this time, i could feel myself breaking. I stayed put as he started walking forward making me walk back till my spine was touching the water fountain. I could feel the handle digging into my back as i tried to ignore the pain and focus on the glaring zayn. 

''Jeff has pity in you just like half the teachers here, how can you even think that someone can love you? How can you even think that there was hope for you to find someone other than your damn hand? There's no one in this world that will ever treat you with respect, love you the way you would want to love someone else, want you like you want them, Jeff doesn't even like you. I could see the way he looks at you.....And that's of pity. Your such a sad little queer and it's sad seeing you think that someone wants you involved in their fucked up life as well. Just give up and go home, finish whatever it was that you were going to do that caused those ugly bruises. But i must say....They're prettier than you can ever be.'' I was now full on crying, without even caring that class was over and people were watching us with shocked expressions. He stepped back while smirking, i didn't even wait for anymore insults so i ran....i ran as fast as i could out of the school and down the sidewalks that were still empty. But as soon as i reached the corner of the street, someone had pulled me into the alley with a hand covering my mouth and their other on my private. Please let this be the end of my worthless life.