TO ᗷOᒪᗪY GO {A Star Trek Fanfiction}

Chapter One: Foolish Hope

Chapter Contents:🏚💔
☆~2121 Words~☆

Jim's heels clicked on the Enterprises titanium floor as he made his way to the observation room. It was his one safe haven on the ship. The one quiet place on the ship where he felt completely and totally alone with his thoughts. Even in his room the whistle of his com, or a knock on the door always interrupted him. Not to mention he could only watch the stars on the screen by his bed, and as nice as that was it wasn't as nice as the real thing. It all just seemed so much closer and yet further at the same time when you were gazing out at them through the layers of different glass panels. Here he was completely alone with his thoughts and the stars, sometimes he wished he could go out and flout around surrounded by the stars but he knew that it probably wouldn't be as enjoyable as it was in his head. He leaned his forehead against the cool glass and sighed watching his breath fog up the glass as it had many times before. Jim's thoughts began to storm into his mind like a tornado, as a captain he never truely got a break. Not only did he have to think about permissions he had to sign and their possible consequences but he also had to think about their upcoming missions and explorations. This didn't even involve his personal troubles. More specifically, his feelings.

Just a few months ago he had been awarded the title of Captain for the Enterprise, he was grateful and all but he still felt... trapped. Not really physically, he had full access to the ship. Not to mention he always went with the landing parties, even if it lead to being reprimanded by bones. He felt trapped by his emotions and feelings.maybe Vulcans had the right idea by going 'emotionless'. He tried to push away his feelings but they always came back like a total wave. More specifically, the feelings that had began to build for the Vulcan he appointed as his first officer.

Jim's blue eyes looked out to the stars gazing over them with a faraway look, a look of which was almost never seen on the captain's face. He could almost hear his own heartbeat in the silence of the room. Steady soft thumps that he soon focused on as he felt his hear beating in his chest surrounded by the weight of his feelings. 'I hope this doesn't count as emotionally compromised... could it lead to that though? I mean, I function just fine as a captain my feelings don't impact my work but... but they could one day... maybe I should talk to bones...' he thought feeling a lump begin to form in his throat. 'No... no I don't want to worry anyone... bones deals with enough of me I don't wanna burden him with...' the bitter memories of his childhood and that trauma's it left him with began to fill his mind '... with my issues...'.

The blue eyed Captain sighed and slid down sitting against the glass his knees tucked to his chest and kept their my his arms while his forehead rested on the cool glass. Jim had began to get lost in his thoughts and had not heard the woosh of the door opening or noticed the momentary light intruding on the darkness. "Damnit Jim I've been looking for you everywhere! I've been waiting to do your routine medical checkup of the month and... Jim?" Upon noticing Jim seemed to have been startled by his presence, McCoy's voice softened to a sort of concern.

Jim soon snapped back to his senses and scrambled up to his feet. Not that he wanted to go to a dumb medical exam but had he really been lost in his thoughts for that long that bones actually had to hunt him down? "Sorry Bones, lost track of time, I suppose your gonna drag me by the collar then, huh?" Jim asked forcing a smile and a strained chuckle that was more of nervousness causing McCoy to sigh and cross his arms. "Normally, yes. I may not be a psychiatrist but it's obvious something's on your mind, wanna come to my office and talk about it?" Although Jim wasn't fond of the talking part he did know exactly what a trip to McCoy's office meant. Whiskey. Jim could only provide a nod the lump in his throat still weighing heavy on his vocal cords and making him fearful that his voice would betray him more then it already had.