The black cat that saved me (chat noir x female reader/ladybug)

chapter 1

TW: self harm; blood (don't say i didn't warn you)

dear diary,                                                                                                                                                     june 1st 2021

i want to get a lot of stuff off my chest: i have been living a double life, i am ladybug and marinette at the same time, isn't that funny? it isn't really, i always have so much to do, and so little time for myself, there are just so many responsibilities that are all mine, homework, school, villians, and there's much more but i feel like there's always a weight on my shoulders and even when i do good, the weight becomes too much and i have to let it all out somehow, i have no other way, i might seem happy on the outside but there's so much about me that no one knows, so i cut, i cut until my bathroom floor is red i feel like there's no way out of this, and not to mention the love issues, the only person who could eventually save me is head over heals for someone else, i have a lot more to talk about but i have been up all night saving paris yet again and i have school tomorrow, goodnight.

dear diary,                                                                                                                                                   june 2nd 2021

im still in bed right now, still exhausted from last night, arms are aching from all the fighting against myself at least there's one person i can always count on: alya, she's my best friend, but even she cant know about me being ladybug, because if anyone finds out, i'll have to give tikki away along with all the powers... and cat noir. it does kind of hurt to see her be the biggest fan of ladybug , not knowing she is her best friend, anyway, my mom called me, i have to got now! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~marinette's pov~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i get to school wearing an oversized hoodie to hind all my scars, im a bit late, but everyone is used to it, even adrien... i see alya waiting for me at our seat i sit down and class begins... 

class just started but i faintly hear a scream of help that suddenly stops, my first guess is an akumatisation, with no second thought i run up to mrs bustier and ask to go to the restroom, at the same time adrien gets up and asks the same, she kindly asks us to not take too long, i nod. i ran out of class and into the girls bathroom, the most used words in my vocabulary were said again: "Tikki! Spots on!" i yoyo myself out of school to see what was happening, running up behind me is cat noir, "hi bugaboo!" he smirks the way he always does, it makes me get butterflies in my stomach, but although i try to resist, i dont turn him down instead i say: "hi kitty". no harsh backfire on his sweet names but i know he likes it when i call him kitty, and secretly i like it when he calls me his lady or his bugaboo, but there's no way im going to admit that, he'll think im in love - which im not - or am i? im too busy thinking and im not paying attention, the villian knocks me down, i feel the pain strike throughout my whole body, i try to stay strong and land on my feet, but i cant, im too weak, mid air i quietly call him, "~cat noir~" i can feel his presence but i don't see him. i hit the ground with a scream of pain, i fell unconscious, but i still heard faint screams of terror and fear, i felt like i let had everyone down.