while you sleep | bucky barnes x reader

chapter two

You were sobbing. That's all you knew as you started to come out of your daze. The realization that had hit you suddenly had made everything cloudy, unsure, scary.

There was someone next to you watching you crumble. Part of you expected it to be him as you turned your head, but no. He was still living on the television. Living in your head. Unreal and very real all at the same time.

The person in flesh beside you was just your coworker. The expression she wore was more terrified than worry. But you didn't know what to do, so you just turned back to television.

The news was doing a special on him, on his history. Some of the things you had seen nearly much first-hard through those haunted memories. You felt like you were watching a highlight reel of your life. It felt so real and so far away. It was stunning. Utterly and completely stunning.

But as fast as everything hit you, the news moved on, unaware and unaffected. The report had come and gone. The pictures of him went, too.

Him.

Finally, you could take a deep breath as you were forced to come to terms with reality. People were still watching you. Not staring per se, but definitely observing and mumbling to their friends. You peeled your gaze away from them to face your overly worried coworker. You finally noticed the hands she had on your shoulders, trying to wrap you in comfort from your outburst.

When she saw you realizing she was there, she softly asked, "Are you okay?"

You hesitantly shook your head and as if some miracle, your boss came in to start their afternoon shift. Your coworker called out saying you weren't feeling well and would be in the back for a bit. Your boss barely responded, too stunned at the situation he walked into but nevertheless waved you two away in silent permission.

She guided you to the back, holding your shoulders firmly as you sniffled and shuffled along. Your heart was heavy. Your mind was not doing any better.

Your coworker sat you down at the backroom table. You ran your hands through your hair, trying to soothe yourself. Your brain was an absolute mess. Seeing that picture, feeling him... It was him. It truly was. You thought it'd be harder having practically nothing to go off of but everything fell together like little puzzle pieces. The arm was the biggest clue. But then the eyes gave the saddest confirmation.

Was this how everyone felt? No one ever talked about it being this intense, this sudden. But, then again, no one had what you had. You had never witnessed someone actually seeing their soulmate for the first time but knew how others talked about the moment with such wonder. They were joyous, so grateful. Were you feeling that, too? You couldn't tell beyond your pounding heart and shaky hands.

"What's wrong?" Your coworker finally asked, leaning at the table across from you. "I mean... You don't have to talk about it but..."

"It's my soulmate," you forced yourself to speak.

She placed her hand on her heart, concerned. "Did... Did something happen to them?"

You shook your head. "That was him."

"Who?" She asked everything so cautiously. It almost scared you to say anymore.

"On the television," you whispered. "The Winter Soldier."

You thought your coworker was going to fall over. Her eyes grew wide, jaw slacking in pure shock. You couldn't get yourself to meet her eyes.

"Are- Are you sure?" It had taken her a moment to collect her words, making your heart sink.

"Yes," you nodded. "I- You can't mistake those nightmares-,"

"Nightmares?" She chuckled, hesitantly. "You mean dreams. Soulmates have dreams. They're not supposed to be..."

You finally looked up at her, wearing the most burning expression. If looks could kill, you'd have sliced her up countless times by now. The tone of the room shifted as she found you were very serious. She got quiet again, taking in your position.

"They're nightmares," you assured her. "They're a mirage of flashbacks from his...doings."

"You just now realized this?"

You let out a weak chuckle. It sounded silly for sure. "I never saw much of him in the memories outside some distinctive features. If I had seen more I- I don't remember it. I mean maybe I had guesses but seeing that photo and the name and the reports... It's him."

"My gosh, girl," your coworker sighed, absolutely in disbelief. You weren't doing much better yourself. "What are you going to do?"

You wanted to sob at the question. What were you going to do?

You leaned back in the chair, eyes focused on the ceiling as you tried to hold back the tears. "Maybe I need to move on."

***

It wasn't the craziest idea. Soulmates moved on from one another more frequently than people would like to mention. Just because you were paired didn't mean it all worked out all the time. Stuff got fried and people changed. There could never be a perfect system but you never really personally knew of it to fail. The last time you had heard about soulmates moving past one another was decades ago. It still happened, you told yourself. And maybe your soulmate had even moved on. Maybe Bucky had too much to care about already.

But this wasn't looking to be some easy getaway for you. It was proving impossible as you let your mind wander.

You pondered it all heavily as you sat at your computer doing some (slightly intense) internet search on your soulmate. You didn't expect to find yourself deep in such work but you got curious, got restless at the thought of him. The news report kept flashing in your mind accompanied by bits and pieces of the nightmares.

You learned he went by Bucky and originally had his life set in the 40s. You couldn't figure how he didn't have a soulmate there. How his soulmate -- you -- ended up years and years away.

But that may have been too painful if he had had someone considering he was kidnapped during World War II and weaponized for decades, way before you were ever even a thought in your parents' brain.

You continued to scroll through his military photos, finding yourself blushing at him in his uniform. He was quite the knockout, especially in the present day. Part of you wondered why you hadn't recognized him before but you realized he was just... different. The eyes, the emotions, he actually looked full of life, real shining eyes and hope. Modern-day him was rigid, unsure, stoic. Not to mention the metal arm feature. That was who you were learning through the dreams but you certainly didn't want it to be like that. If granted some chance by fate, you wanted all of him.

The more you searched, the more you learned, the less you felt like you could just get up and walk away. There was something in his face as you looked at the photos that made your soul ache. A connection was there, sure, and maybe you had to explore it. At the very least, he didn't care. Then you could move on because that was possible, you reminded yourself. Rare, but possible.

As you went, you found he was the best friend of Steve Rogers. Captain America. after some thought, you decided that could hopefully be your start to this journey to him.

You just happened to see the particular super soldier nearly every other morning. The black coffee the shop served was a "real treat" he always said.

While having some place to begin, you couldn't help but feel so weird it took you so long. Never had there ever been that connection, that feeling, when even around Steve. Never any inclination that his best friend was... supposedly the one for you.

This wondering was gonna eat you alive if you allowed it. You had to act. Something was lit inside you upon seeing him. It was as if the world told you to get it into gear. Enough wondering, enough fearing. You had to hit the ground running.