while you sleep | bucky barnes x reader

chapter seventeen

You had no idea where Bucky was taking you. All you did know was that he was gripping your hand tightly and walking slightly faster than you, say, the average human would be used to. He was feeling a lot, you could tell. A million little things going off in that head of his. You wanted to know them all to try to ease them. You wanted to help him again as he had helped you these past few weeks.

But he wasn't giving you a chance. Right now, the only thing he was outwardly focusing on was dinner. Whatever this dinner was going to actually entail.

You almost couldn't believe it when he finally came to a stop. Your eyes got wide as you read the restaurant name. You lowered your gaze quickly to look in at the familiar decor and seating.

It's where you two had met. Where you had that first date. The night you began to consider that maybe the nightmares had been a blessing, not a curse. You wished you still had that attitude.

"This is where you want to eat?" You asked.

Bucky shrugged. "Brings back good memories."

With nothing much else left to say, Bucky guided you into the restaurant. He asked for a table for two and by some weird luck from Fate, you two were seated at a very familiar table. In very familiar seats. All that was missing was a proud-looking Steve to make some smart remarks. Oh, Steve... You worried about what he would think of this situation.

"You gonna get the salad again?" Bucky asked. His voice was almost on the lighter side, easing some of your concerns - at least, for the time being. You chuckled.

"Is that really what I got on our first date?" You sighed. "How cliche of me."

"You were nervous. I was nervous," Bucky admitted. His eyes danced around the menu. "Hell, I'm still nervous."

Slowly, you pushed your menu aside, already having settled on the salad again (don't wanna get too crazy), and reached for Bucky's hand. He was shaking just ever so slightly.

"It's okay," you whispered, your thumb drawing mindless patterns on the back of his hand. He gripped yours tighter, giving a little nod.

Soon after that, the waitress stopped by and took your drink and meal orders. Everything was pretty much cookie-cutter from your first trip here. Bucky with his burger, you with your salad. Both indulge in some ice water. You almost wanted to make a comment about the chicken nuggets, but Bucky looked way too all over the place for much more banter. He let go of your hand, sadly.

Bucky suddenly spoke your name like it was breaking his heart with every syllable. Your eyes perked up. "What are we going to do?" He asked.

You shifted your gaze quickly. "You heard what Bruce suggested."

"There has to be something more we can do."

"He seemed pretty dead set on it," you sighed. "He's the expert, Buck."

"Well, maybe we need to get a second opinion from whoever he was talking about-,"

Your eyes fell on him once more. "Bucky, what's going on?"

Now Bucky was the one looking away. Your waitress awkwardly placed your meals in their respective spots. Neither of you moved.

"I don't know if I can give it up."

"Wh-What?"

Bucky ran his hand through his hair frustratingly. "I always thought that'd be what I wanted, to just stop. No more fighting, no more missions, no more... Anything. Just live a normal life as I should've all those years ago." He let out an exaggerated breath. "But now that it's actually a possibility, the thought of giving up everything I've known is daunting."