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Chapter Four - She Was Fire

Sunlight tingled teasingly on her skin warming the cold room as she rolled to her back, not yet opening her eyes. To open her eyes would mean losing the moment, this peaceful, tranquil moment and hurtling back to reality where sorrow and consequence danced hand in hand, mockingly, all around her. The blanket was heavy and the bed was soft. Deciding to face the day, Mara stretched her body before opening her eyes. The room was the same as it had been last night, but somehow different. It was less foreboding in its colors and design, and a bit more luscious. Darkness always had a way of coating everything with a tinge of fear, just as light had a way of making locked rooms seem welcoming.

Mara felt stronger this morning, but hollow, as if she were but a shell, a vessel being operated by someone else. Her movements were basic, walking, breathing, seeing. She did not feel like speaking. She felt perhaps, that even if she tried, her words would not escape. They would remain trapped in her throat, prisoner to her sorrow. She pressed her hand to the bottom of her neck, rubbing in small circles. It was sore, very sore, reminding her of all the tears she had shed the night before. Reminding her of Adel, who she would never see again. He would think she abandoned him. That she did not really love him as she swore she did. That she no longer cared for him, or his punishment. What would his punishment be? Would it be as horrible as hers? Would it, could it be worse? Oh, Adel,  with his perfectly chiseled face. Beautiful dark eyes that burned with such intensity, it was as if you were looking at fire itself. You could almost feel the heat radiating from those eyes if you dared stare long enough.  Tall and strong, yet, soft and gentle. Fierce if need be. She had feared him once, before she heard his voice. Everything Adel said was like music. A grace to his words and a voice so beautiful your heart would skip a beat and you were forced to remind yourself to breath. Her Adel, who loved her to a fault. Who gave her such happiness as she had never known before. Who gave her a baby. A baby who would now be taken from her, who’s fate was not sound. Mara knew that she would do anything she must to protect her baby, her last tiny piece of Adel and his love.  What she would do if need be, would be punishable by death. In comparison, death did not seem so horrible.

Finally sitting up, Mara noticed a table across the room placed in front of the large open windows. Someone had opened them while she was sleeping. It was a little unnerving to know that she had slept so sound while someone, anyone, had been in her room, opening windows and who knew what else? On the table was a shinning, silver food tray. Suddenly Mara was starving, not haven eaten since the day before yesterday.  Her stomach had been in turmoil, twisting and knotting, fluttering all day and night. The vast wooden floor had a slight chill to it as she stood from the bed.  Her legs felt stiff and alien, as if she had never used them before. Walking gracelessly to the table, she wondered and rather hoped it had been Avanees who had left this for her. As she got closer to the window, the sunlight grew stronger, wrapping her in its brilliance, warming her entire body. Mara closed her eyes, allowing the energy to tingle through her, traveling from her hands to her shoulders, to her chest and stomach until finally finding its way to her feet, consuming her entire body in its warm, strong, familiarity. Mara felt physically better, but her heart was still heavy. At least her appetite had been restored this morning. Placing her hand on the top of the tray, she lifted the lid, slightly exposing the contents. Waffles. Mara’s mother had made her waffles on special mornings when she had been a child. Now Mara made them for herself. It was oddly one of her favorite comfort foods, instantly soothing her, reassuring her. Mara suddenly longed for her mother. If she had still been here, would Mara have done what she had done? Thinking about it, she realized she would have. She loved Adel, and her mother would have known that.

Mara found a small wooden chair and brought it to the table. The room smelled wonderful this morning. Taking the time to lift the cover fully off of the tray and place it to the side, Mara found along with waffles, sausage and two white ramekins one containing syrup and the other a mixture of berries and melon. Mara had never felt so instantly hungry.  Picking a ripe raspberry from the bowl, she gazed at it admiringly for just a moment, plump and juicy, perfectly raspberry red, before popping it into her mouth. Amazing. She wondered if it was the food itself that tastes so magically wonderful here on the Island of the Council House, or the fact that she was so starved that made it seem heavenly. When she had realized that her stomach was full beyond capacity, she looked down at her plate. She had eaten almost everything, and it had indeed been a large portion.  She had never before eaten so much, that she could remember anyways. Placing her hand atop her growing belly, she thought to herself of the life growing inside her. She thought of the life she wished she could have:  her and Adel together, loving their child. Buying it toys and picking out tiny little clothes. Teaching it everything she knew about the elements, her element…but what element would it possess? Hers or Adel’s? Both? Neither? For the first time, she began to see what the council feared so much. What had she done? If her baby were to be harmed, weak or dangerous, it was to be her fault. She did not think she would ever be able to forgive herself if something were to happen to her baby. She wondered if it would seem ridiculous to others, this all consuming love and adoration she felt for her unborn child. It was a love she had never felt before, so strong it felt dangerous to herself. It was as if it literally burned inside of her, a fire so brilliant it was beyond beautiful, fully ablaze, majestic even as it burned through your soul completely, sending everything you had ever known or felt up in its blaze of flames, dulling it in comparison to the point of almost none existence. She wondered if this was the love people talk about when they talk about their child, or if it was something else entirely. If they would think it absurd to love something so much, so dangerously, that you have never even set eyes upon.