Guilty

Chapter Seven: The Disturbing Truth Part 1

"Oh wow!" Abby said. "PTSD after having a baby, that has to suck. I couldn't imagine not being able to hold Tristan let alone not being able to look at him." Okay so my theory that Abs had PTSD just went out the window. She obviously loved that little boy upstairs.

Which had not exactly been proven by her actions, but it was pretty obvious by the look she has in her eyes right now, and the tiny smile she has on her face just thinking about her son.

I'm afraid getting that one little mystery solved didn't help me much in finding out what was happening in this house. If anything it just made the big picture a lot more fuzzy.

I shook my head angry with myself, because I was sure that's what was wrong here. I was sure that was why she couldn't look at Tristan earlier. And why Tristan seemed to reciprocate the same feelings back to her.

I grumbled quietly to myself and quickly slammed the rest of my drink back.

Just to make sure she wasn't lying to me I asked her a more direct question.

"But you didn't look at him Abby, did you?" She turned her head to face me with a confused frown on her lips.

"What are you talking about Em?" I couldn't tell if her confusion was genuine or not which only served to frustrate me further because I used to know my sister like the back of my hand.

"You know what I am talking about Abby, the other day when I had just gotten here the place was a mess. You told me to go check on him and I did, the little guy was just getting up from a nap and you came into the room. You hardly even spared him a glance. Why?"

It was quiet for a minute before she quietly said, "I don't know what you're talking about." And quickly looked away.

I stood up from the couch and looked down on my bony broken sister and told her, "When you're done bullshitting me Abigail I'll be up in my room."

As I was turning away I saw her flinch out of my peripherals, probably because I used her full name and we only do that when we're mad at each other. Like really mad. And that's the only way I could get my point across to her.

I was mad

And  hurt.

She used to tell me everything.

I blindly made my way up the stairs tripping on the last step because that's when my tears decided to fall.
        Not at all because I was tipsy.

Entering the guest room I through myself on the bed and tried to choke back my tears.

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Flashback:
'When will my hair be long and pretty like yours is Abby?'
As a sixteen year old Abigail looked down upon a young ginger frizzy headed Emily she smiled fondly.
'No pumpkin my hair is nothing compared to your hair. You don't want my hair.'
Emily frowned.
'Yes I do! The other kids make fun of me for having this crazy hair.'
Abigail chuckled quietly before reaching over to put her arm on young Emily's shoulders.
'No, no Ems those kids have it all wrong, your hair is beautiful.'
When Emily looked up at her sister with doubtful eyes Abigail continued.
'Your hair is just like Dads was! Colorful and curly! Remember him saying that?'
Emily reached up to pat her hair then cut a quick look to Abigail.
'How do I know that you're not lying to me? How do I know that you are not just saying this to make me feel better?'
Chuckling at her little sister Abigail shook her head.
'You don't. But how about this? We make a promise, a promise to each other.'
Catching onto her sisters excitement Emily eagerly nodded.
'What kind of promise?'
Abigail thought for a moment.
'A promise never to lie to each other.'
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For the first time since we made that promise to each other I knew that Abby was flat out lying to me. And I think that's what hurts the most. The fact that she broke a promise with me over a question concerning her and her child's safety.

She didn't have to be embarrassed or ashamed, PTSD isn't something to joke about sure but it's also treatable. I just don't know why she won't open up to me. I'm her sister, I love her.

She should know that I would be the last person to judge her since I grew up with Bi-Polar disorder.

So caught up in my thoughts I didn't hear the door open until it was closing. I looked over my shoulder to see Abby standing in front of the door. Only she wasn't really standing, she was actually doing this drunken wobble thing.

I looked down to her hand to see the second bottle of wine that I brought down earlier clutched in her grip. Almost empty now, when we hadn't even opened it.

"Abby are you drunk?" She hiccuped before answering me.

"Just ahh little teensy weensy bit." She slurred as she tilted the bottle up to her lips, finishing it off.

I would have laughed had it not been for the morose look on her face.

She was truly mourning the loss of her wine. She set the bottle down before coming over and crawling into bed with me.

I hurry up and flop over because I was still mad at her, but that didn't stop her from wrapping her arm around my waist. I was still crying, and laying there next to my sister I realized that I was not the only one.

I felt her shoulders shaking with the effort to hold in her cries and one hot tear land on my cheek.

I turned over to seek and offer comfort from my sister. We cried together for about five minutes before Abby broke the silence.

"It's not easy for me to open up anymore. Not just to you Em, but to everyone! And I'm sorry if it is hurting you."

"Try! Please Abby. Just try! I've missed you so much. I have so much I want to tell you, and I want to know everything that's been going on with you but I don't know how to talk to you anymore." Just remembering all the neglect I have faced from her this year has me tearing up all over again.

"I just can't Em-."

I sat up quickly and my sister flinched but I didn't care because I was fired all over again.

I pointed at her and whispered "We made a promise Abby, or did you forget about that just like you forgot about me." She tried to interrupt me but I was on a roll. "I've never lied to you. I even told you that you looked hideous in your prom dress because you did. And do you remember what happened? Huh? Do you? Well I do, we went shopping and got you a new dress and you won prom queen."

I was breathing hard after my little rant but it felt good to finally get this off my chest.

Abby was quiet, staring at me in silence before she looked down ashamed.

"Okay, okay you're right." Then she looked up at me with glossy eyes.

"Just please tell me Abby, please!"

Taking a deep breath she finally looked up at me and said, "The reason I can't look at Tristan and be happy is," One tear slowly rolled down her cheek and she took another deep breath. "Is because he looks exactly like his father."