Someones out there handing out flares

Did you find it hard to breath

*just a heads up for blood and other disturbing things* 

The fishbowl feeling didn't leave. It did the exact opposite. It left him feeling overwhelmingly numb and empty. The empty void was so loudly silent. It left a cold feeling in Felix' body. 

He was sitting down in the common room next to Chan. Staring at the rest of the group watching a children's show. His heart beating too fast for it's own good. 

Felix didn't know what was happening to him. His breathing was laboured and sound began to sound weird to him. 

He didn't remember how he got from the hallway to the common room. He didn't remember standing up and walking and talking to someone. He didn't remember anymore. And it was bothering him. 

Felix felt himself wasting away with every passing second. 

He felt himself standing up. Being in the second seat in his head. He muttered something to the group. Only walking away when he saw some people nodding and smiling at him. 

His head was so silent and loud at the same time. It was overwhelming him. 

Felix knew he was having some sort of panic attack. He didn't know what to do. And he didn't want to do it in front of the group. They would think he was stupid and selfish. He did not want to be selfish. 

His poor fingers had been trough so much already. They found themself now between Felix's teeth. He was chewing on them. 

Felix' legs walked him to another white hallway where he didn't remember even being. His legs felt like uncooked spaghetti. They could snap any second now. 

His left hand was against the wall, desperately trying to support the small and skinny boy. After standing there for some time he slid down the wall to the floor. Too tired to make it to the bench just a few meters away. 

Felix tasted blood. 

His poor brain was trying to comprehend why. His thoughts were all muddled together and his brain felt like the stew his mom made sometimes. 

Felix was trying, really. He tried to focus on five things he could see. But his vision was blurry. He tried to touch four things. But he was too tired to actually do it. 

So he went to his last option. The only thing that he knew how to do. The thing he was trying to ignore for the whole time he had been in the psych ward. 

Pain. 

Felix' head slammed against the wall behind him. A dull pain. He didn't want anything to be dull anymore. He had enough of that. 

So he did it again. And again.

Until the voices stopped. Until the dullness transferred to exploding pain. 

Until he felt blood rolling down his neck. Until he felt himself become too weak to repeat the action. 

Until he gave up. 

---- 

Felix couldn't figure out who was touching him. Soft and tender fingers held his head, carefully feeling around. The hands were warm against his cold cheeks. A layer of sweat was on his forehead. 

The warm voice of a lady came trough his ears. The words swimming in his brain for a few seconds before leaving, making it hard for him to understand what she was saying.