Someones out there handing out flares

No one cares

Lets just say that Felix was pissed. He was angry at nothing and no one in particular. Hot tears ran over his cheeks from frustration. Luis had woken him up at an unspeakable hour to check if he was still breathing. 

Felix couldn't fall asleep anymore after Luis had left. As he laid there, listening to Hyunjin's soft breathing he felt himself get more and more frustrated. His hand was wrapped tightly over his mouth to silence his cries in an attempt to not wake up the other boy. 

Life was so unfair, he thought. All these mentally ill kids in one place was unfair. They didn't deserve this, they deserved better. These kids hadn't done anything. Felix hated it so much. All these people were beating themselves up for things they couldn't control. 

Felix buried himself under the covers and let his cries escape. If Hyunjin didn't wake up from Luis barging in then he wouldn't wake up from Felix' cries. 

Felix felt his breath speed up immensely. He couldn't breath. Felix couldn't breath. He clasped his hand over his mouth again. He was not about to have a panic attack. He simply refused. 

"Felix?" A voice cut trough the overwhelming noise in Felix' head. "Are you ok?" 

Felix didn't dare to move, hoping Hyunjin would just turn around and go back to sleep. 

He heard some ruffling and then a soft tap on his shoulder. "Hey sit up." 

Felix sat up slowly. He hoped the older boy wouldn't see the tears. Hyunjin placed his and Felix' pillow against the wall and pulled his own blanket over himself. 

Felix waited till he would say something but that didn't happen. After a few minutes he let himself relax against the wall of pillow Hyunjin had made. Then he realized  that he wasn't panicking anymore. 

"Thank you," he whispered softly. 

The long haired boy didn't say anything for a few moments. 

"I know the feeling, you know. Sadness, helplessness and raging anger at once?" 

When Felix didn't answer the other boy continued.

"This feeling is not permanent. Just like every other feeling. It'll pass just like the others. Please remember that Felix." 

Felix laid his head on Hyunjin's shoulder as he talked. The tension in his body lessened with each word he said. 

"So maybe the next time you feel shitty or bad, just please remember that that feeling will pass." 

Felix thought about it for a moment. He hadn't thought about it like that. 

"But the happy feelings will pass eventually too right? Whats the point then?" Felix said against Hyunjin's chest. 

Listening to his heartbeat strangely calmed him down. He counted the other boy's breaths as he waited for him to talk. Two breaths passed. 

Four. Six. Seven breaths passed before Hyunjin began to talk.

"It will pass. But maybe thats ok. Being happy all the time sound tiresome doesn't it? Maybe a content feeling will replace the happy ones instead of a depressed one. What if that content feeling is the new default? Wouldn't that be worth it?" 

The blond wrapped his long arms around Felix. It was almost like a hug and the warm feeling he got from it made him smile a little bit. 

"I guess so," he murmured. 

----- 

Felix picked at his anti-skid socks. He was seated on a pillow on the cold floor, a few playing cards in his hands. A weighted blanket  was wrapped around his shoulders.