JANK

An Enlightening Experience

T' greasy kebab was starin' back at me, waitin' to be ravaged.

Buh tat wasn't t' only thing, as I soon found out...

THE PREVIOUS NIGHT:

Doug throws his fifth bottle of beer on t' table in front of us, beside t' empty bottle of vodka and half full whisky bottle. He turns 'round and it seems lak he's in an unusually good mood.

Dun get me wrong, Doug's usually a positive guy... buh tis time he seems confidently elated

He has a grin plastered 'cross his face.

"You know the way you... said you'd do anything... for money?" He slurs a bit. "Can... I have a favour?"

What's he plannin'? He never asks fer anything in return...

Hesitatin' fer a moment, I finally ask: "What d'ye need?"

A smirk escapes from his lips. "Listen, I know you don't swing ... that way... well I don't think you do..." He's really mincin' his words. "... But I'm lonely. Can you sleep with me tonight?"

B'fore I can answer, he hands me one of t' gold chains from 'round his neck. It looks expensive. "... If you do... you can have this. It's worth a grand at least..."

Seems enticin' buh... I dunno. I shrug at him and he sets his other two chains beside tat one. He seems desperate. "Um... lemme think 'bout it fer a moment."

... Am I actually consderin' tis?

Or jus' stallin' so he forgets 'bout it?

I mean... we're both pretty wasted.

Wi' each passsin' second, he grows more and more anxious. "We can do it fully clothed... and this sofa is big enough for both of us."

Doug's bin a good friend of mine fer the last... nine years or so. I trust him wi' a lotta things and he never really asks fer much back. Fer some reason.

Debatin', I give back t' three chains buh he insists tat I keep t' first one. "... Please?"

I guess he's nah gonna give in... is he? Tis can still be a friendly thing, right? Sleepover? We're nah in love. I've no sexual feelin' toward him at all.

... It's gonna be a one off, aye? ... Well, it better be.

T' more I debate, t' more he goes on. It's doin' my head in big time.

Givin' in, I decide to make a condition: "Only if ye lemme have yer phone."

He tries to raise an eyebrow. "Why?"

"In case ev'ryone finds out." I hold my hand out. He shakes his head. "Do ye want tis o' nah?"

"... Fine..."

He hands me it. I tuck it in my pocket. "Yer gettin' it back t'morrow."

"Alright." He adds, kissin' me on the cheek. He reeks of alcohol. I gently shove him away. "Thanks, Donny. You're a good mate."

'Course I am. 'Specially when I'm havin' to stick through ye and Sad Boy's bollocks.

"You too." I whisper back, half assed as Doug yawns. He falls down on top of me. I back away a bit.

T' aul sofa has bin through a lotta things buh nathin' quite like tis.

                               * * * * *

EIGHT HOURS LATER

A sprawl of dreadlocks and soft skin covers me. I can barely move. Sighin' I nudge for him to get off me.

Lookin' across t' room, t' clock says it's ten in t' mornin' so if I get up now, I can get ready fer Da comin' back. He stays over at his mate's on Fridays 'cause it's their weekly drinkin' club night and he's too lazy (and paralytic drunk) to go home.

Dizziness takes over. My head's poundin' and I'm gaspin' fer water. Feel lak crap.

Openin' t' curtain behin' us lets in some light. Doug groans, turnin' 'round and he almost falls on to t'floor.

Swingin' my feet on the ground, they feel numb. Pins and needles. Gonna have to wait fer a wee while 'til it goes away.

"Donny, what happened last night?" Doug asks, starin' at t' pool of vomit in t' kebab box opposite us. Can barely remember myself.

"I dunno. Think we got a bit carried away by t' looks of things."

He has a wee chuckle to himself. "More than a bit it seems." He rubs his eyes. "Wait... why do you have my chain?"

Confused, I feel my neck. Ack aye... now I remember somethin'. "Ye said I could have it."

He pauses fer a moment. Somethin' seems to connect in his mind as well. "Oh... I think I said you could have it for payment of something?"

"Fer sleepin' with ye? Ye can have it back if ye want..."

He shakes his head. "You can keep it. Aisling gave me that."

"... Aisling t' psycho?"

He nods searchin' his pockets fer his belongings. I hear a jingle in mine and remember tat I kept those overnight.

Smilin' I hand 'em over to him. He glares. "You had me worried there for a second."

"Good job I remembered, eh?"

He checks his phone and jumps from the sofa. "Crap! I have to go. I needa be in Belfast for three. Promised Sad Boy that I'd lift him from his interview."

I burst into tears, laughing. "Sad Boy has another job interview?"

"No. It's an internship in some music studio. I doubt he'll get it though, knowing his track record with timekeeping."

"Paid?"

"Yeah..." He walks across t' kitchen-lounge area slowly and steadily to t' front door. "I should get going. Sleep the rest of this off. See ya later."

I wave him goodbye and stumble my way across t' lounge to t' bathroom. T' artifical lightin' hurts my eyes and I smell lak a brewery mixed wi' sweaty body spray.

I look lak I've dragged through a hedge backwards. Everythin' aches... buh ye know wa' they say 'bout a good shower?

I strip down and jump into a warm, shower and let my mind consume me.

Though everythin' turned out decent, I can't shake t' fact tat I mighta led Doug on a bit when I was outta my mind.

What if he thinks it's more than a one-off? What if he still actually laks me?

T' thoughts eat away at me fer t' next twenty minutes. Even when I jump outta t' shower and into my boxers.

Sittin' down on t' creaky toilet, I remember tat t' previous owner left some books. Reachin' onto t' magazine rack, I let my hand grab somethin' to read.

A Bible.

I open up at a random place.

I can't believe I'm actually doin' tis.

I read it 'til my bowels are cleared and say a wee prayer 'bout Doug and what to do next.

I'm nah religious buh it felt good to get tat off my chest. Have someone to talk wi'.

... Maybe I'll do it again sometime.