True Stories and Confessions from an Aro/Ace teen

Q&A w/ a priest

Another aro/ace life story of mine from before I knew I was aro/ace!

I was 11 or 12 when this happened, I'm pretty sure I was 12, because it was circa 7th grade, might have been 6th though. I remember exactly what classroom it was, but I switched classes in middle school, so it could've been either.

Important things to remember: I am Roman Catholic, a practicing one at that, and have attended a Catholic school my entire life. I feel like I've mentioned this in previous chapters that took place at school, but also I might not have because unlike this story, it doesn't effect the story time at all.

One time, in about 6th or 7th grade, my school decided to do a Q&A w/ a priest. So, they had all of us write down a question anonymously on a flashcard, and the priest came down to the class and answered the questions on the flashcard.

Seems simple enough, right?

Well, it was, but there was one thing 12 year old me didn't have correct due to lack of knowledge on the topic of aromantic asexuality. And that is the difference between being aro/ace and being celibate.

Now obviously I know the difference, but if you don't, being celibate is, according to Oxford dictionary, "abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons." Aromantic Asexuality is.... well, refer back to chapter 1 of this book.

I didn't think being celibate was difficult at all. To quote 13 year old me a year later, "I'll give up being in a relationship for free, I don't even need to become a nun." We love to see how obvious I made my aro/aceness before even I knew it, don't we?

So, because of this, celibacy was just living your true single self, and deciding to roll with it. Did that make any sense? Probably not, but let's continue anyway.

I don't remember my question at all, probably something mundane or religious. I am a choir member and an alter server, so I already knew the priest (he was probably no older than 30 at the time) and would usually ask him questions before mask while I was setting up or getting my robe on.

Back to the whole "thinking celibacy is aro/aceness" thing I had going on, I had no reason to ask him anything about whether or not he had any past relationships because obviously he didn't like people like I didn't like people. Right?

If you said "Wrong" you'd be absolutely correct.

So, the first question, naturally, was "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

Cue my confusion.

He answered that he had when he was in highschool.

Cue my even more confusion.

I think that really threw me into a loop, because I had always been so comfortable about how I felt because I thought that priests felt the same, and they were all holy and stuff, so obviously I was amazing and cool and everyone who wanted relationships were weird and had to get on my level.

(I struggled with arrogance a lot in middle school, still do actually, have you seen my username? Well, it's not like it's wrong)

But now, I'm the odd one.

(Okay, so see the aforementioned arrogance problem, because I continued to not worry about it much, but it was still startling to hear.)

I feel like I got to the gist of the story there, but my memory of this is VERY hazy, and I barely remember anything besides that question and confusion, but I still wanted to share.

Some clarity: Celibacy =/= Aromantic Asexuality

I do not feel the same things priests do, and apparently being celibate is difficult. Who knew? Not me.

Actually, that priest ended up leaving the priesthood a few years later to get married to the school guidance counselor (I swear, they should probably get a movie deal because their story is literally something you'd watch in a RomCom I kid you not, I would not have believed it if I didn't see it in real life.) I say "married" but their wedding is actually next August. He now works at the same college my dad does.... I wonder how he's doing.

So, that's the story for today. Sorry it wasn't like the others, my memory really isn't working.

Remember, don't be afraid to be yourself!

-Maddy