Alissa

ONLY LOSSES

We throw the sentence "I'll kill you," as if killing doesn't drain the soul out of you. The ones who say, "I'll kill you," have never killed. So, they don't know that the ones who have, aren't the same after pulling the trigger. Ever.

"I'll kill you," Lucas says, stuttering. And though Alissa knows he hasn't killed anybody before, she also knows Lucas is the type of guy who'll run over a couple of children, just for kicks.

"Lucas," Holly whispers, her voice cracking. "Put the gun down. Please."

"Were you in on this with him?" Kevin asks, not looking away from Lucas and the gun in his hand. His hand is trembling wildly as if he's kept it outstretched for days on end.

"No!" Holly shakes her head, a touch of fright and anger in her voice. "I didn't know he had a gun on himself. Do you really think I'd be anywhere around him if I knew he was carrying a gun."

Lucas's eyes are locked with Alissa's as Kevin begins to steer her back, getting in front of her. When she realises he's blocking her, putting himself in danger, she tries pushing him on the side but Kevin is too heavy for Alissa's arms. She tries to push him again, but he catches hold of her fingers around the side of his waist. With a firm but gentle movement, he unfastens her grip on him, pushing it to her side.

"Dude, I know we haven't really been friends but," he says. "I know we can talk it out. Just put the gun down."

Alissa looks at Lucas over Kevin's shoulders. There's fear in his eyes more than anger. She's surprised to see that the boy who has acted like nothing, not even HEL, bothered him, is scared. His hair is plastered to the side of his face with sweat, his hands are trembling so much that he can barely aim, and wide lines on his forehead have appeared that look like they've been engraved on his head.

"I—I really can't," his teeth chatters.

Kevin's arms are slightly in the air, barely reaching his shoulders. "What do you mean by you can't? This task isn't particularly about you."

"Really?" He tilts his head. "Then who do you think it is for if not me? I'm not stupid, Kevin. He took my name. And I can't let my secret get out." His voice is getting softer, weaker, more vulnerable with each word he speaks.

"What kind of secret is bigger than killing a person? Lucas, this can ruin your entire life!" Sarah says.

"What entire life!?" Lucas shouts, finally crossing the cusp of breakdown. Tears start flowing down his cheeks, "there's no life for any of us even if we get out of here. At least I can save the ones back at home." His cry echo the hall, each echo a punch in the gut for everyone.

Most of these children's families are broken; members arrested. HEL has dirt on the remaining of them which he can still release even if they completed his tasks. There are no wins for the nine of them. Only losses.

"It doesn't have to be that way—"

"SHUT UP!" Lucas shouts. His face is a mess of tears and snot. He takes a deep breath, or a sigh, Alissa couldn't tell. Scrunching up his red nose, he continues. "You don't get it, Kevin. I'm sorry." There's a fear in his voice that they've never heard. "I have to get out of this—"

Then there's a gunshot. And the sound of thud and clattering, drowning in the helpless screams of the others. The next time Lucas opens his eyes, he's on the ground, leaning against the wall and the gun a couple feet away. He has moved, but others are right where they were. Kevin is lying in Alissa's lap and she's weeping; shouting at others to help him get up.

Cody and Derek dart towards Lucas, and then Cody picks him up by the collar and swings a punch at his face that leaves him coughing blood. Derek cuts Megan a glance who made her way to the stage while others were busy with Lucas, held him by his arm pushed it upwards, towards the ceiling. She wasn't as strong as him, or else the bullet wouldn't even have grazed Kevin's arm.