I'm not gonna lie.
I don't even know why we love(d) each other.
We are complete opposites.
You like techno music, pills, weed. I like pop music, concerts, stalking celebrities.
You are an extrovert. You have loads and loads of friends. Yet, you don't care about going alone to things. I am an introvert. I am even scared to speak up when I go buy to the supermarket.
Still.
We just can't get over each other.
Almost four years.
Four freaking years,
since we broke up.
Four fucking years we both have tried to get over each other.
I even got another boyfriend for one year and a half. But deep down, I still knew it was you. I still knew you were the person I wanted to be with, the one I wanted next to me, in my bed.
After all this time, here we are again, hooking up.
But once again,
it is not our time to be together.
Germany.
Spain.
Two thousand kilometers,
but wishing they were none.
Is it because we were each other's first?
First time. First stable relationship. First meet the parents. First overnight. First travel. And to Paris, kissing each other under the Eiffel Tower.
I just don't know what it is.
Here I am, crying just thinking about all the memories we share together and we won't be able to forget.
This way I feel makes me not wanting or being able to ever love someone else. Only you brought to me this thought that my love for you is for all eternity. That you are my destiny. My future husband. The one I want to be the father of my children.
I am scared. Scared of you being the love of my life. I know I will never ever love anyone like you. I know that whoever I am with, deep down I will be wondering where you are, or who you are with. Scared that you might feel the same way but you're scared too of speaking up. Of hurting me again like you did.
I am scared that we were each other's first,
but might not be each other's last.
Because we already tried to be together and it didn't work.
