Creamsicle and The Summer Sky

Been a Long Time, but I'm Back in Town

6 Months Later

Finally, a couple of days off. Our practice and game schedule had been super intense the last two months. We had a short break before it picked back up again and, lucky us, it was smack in the middle of Carnival. All the guys were making plans, but I just wanted to go get shit faced, didn't matter where. A few of us decided to go visit an old teammate who played for Argentina now. It'd been a while since I'd had anything but my hand and I was missing the real thing something terrible.

If I'm being honest, I missed Kags. Kags and Nikko. That night stuck with me and was honestly the fuel for most of my solo adventures. It was like I'd won the lottery that night and they dumped the whole jackpot into my account at the Bank of Spank & Monkey. The rest of the tour, Kags and I roomed together because after that night, we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

Mile-high bj's, city tours with detours, and "running late" in locker rooms all fueled our passion on and off the court. We didn't lose a single game the rest of the tour. I'll be honest, it hurt more than I expected when it was over. I tried not to show it, but I got the feeling he felt the same way. I found myself wondering what it would be like if he and I got together, like officially, together.

Even despite the year, there was still a huge stigma surrounding same-sex couples, especially in male dominated sports. I saw it first hand with Oikawa and Iwa. It broke my heart to see them have to hide what they have. They've been in love forever and yet, just because people have to be assholes, they need to hide it. I just never understood what was so wrong about it. You don't love a gender; you love a person. Their heart, their mind, their personality, their dreams, and their faults. THAT'S what love is.

As much as I've thought about it, I know it's something that Kags would never be ok with. His family is very old school Japanese and they would disown him. I don't think my family would care, but then again, it's never been something that was discussed in our house. I've never really felt this kind of thing with anyone else before either. I've never thought about a future with someone before. It's an odd feeling, to be honest.

To see myself old, not playing volleyball any more, sitting across the table from someone as we eat breakfast was never an image I had before. I guess eventually everyone thinks about these things as they get older, but I never thought I'd picture Kags sitting there, with his glass of milk, still telling me to eat slower. Sometimes I pictured Nikko sitting in his place and I felt the same warmth spread through my chest as when I saw him there.

She haunted me, but in a good way. She was entrancing and brilliant, confident without being cocky, and effortlessly beautiful. I'd googled her work in the time since that night and she was an outstanding photographer. Her work captured a story in every frame. The faces of the people she shared came alive and you wanted to know more. More about them, their history, their stories. The fact that she could get an idiot like me thinking like that really says how talented she was.

I daydreamed what it would look like if she took my picture. Or Kags-I'd really like to see his picture. She was able to capture the very essence of who her subject was, and it was nothing less than amazing every single time. I wish I'd taken her number from him before he left. I could still get it from him, but I'd feel like a fool now that so much time has passed. I don't know that she would even remember me. I mean, I hope she would after the night we had, but she leads an incredible life and I'm pretty forgettable in the grand scheme of things.

I got ready to go out with the guys from the team, trying to prepare for a crazy night, as Carnival always was. It was crazy hot out, but I went with ripped jeans and a black fitted v-neck. I didn't care if I looked like a fuckboy tonight-that was the whole point. I just wanted someone other than my hand and a head full of Tobio and Nikko for a night. I threw on an old pair of white sneakers, ones I wouldn't be mad if they got lost somewhere or puked on, both of which have happened in past years, and headed out the door.