It's Not Me//DT

》18《

I began typing out a text to Grayson telling him that I had to go on a check up. He was asleep on his floor. It was always one of us falling asleep when we were together. I took a picture of him sleeping because I admired how he looked, so care-free and peaceful.

I left saying a quick goodbye to Mrs. Dolan on my way out. Boy, this check-up would suck.

—

And it did. It truly was the same thing every single time. It was almost like I was living in one of those time loop movies where the same thing happens over and over again. The whole thing was boring to even think about. When I got back home I was tired from the boring-ness, but I wanted to hang out with Khalan for a while. I knew we probably wouldn't have done anything fun, but spending time with him was all I needed. It was all I wanted.

My mind was drifting off and I had briefly thought about my presentational speaking project. I had mostly forgotten that I was writing it with my life being the most hectic it had ever been even though it wasn't that crazy in comparison to the other stories I had read.

I would have to work on that eventually. The due date was looming near, and as far as I could remember the speech itself was nowhere near the presenting stage.

But Khalan was the only thing that needed to be on my mind at that moment. He would be gone soon, then who knew when we would see each other again. Who was to say that we would ever talk to each other again after that dreaded Saturday that was closer than I realized.

I let my mother know that I was going to Khalan's and when I got there a lot of his friends were already there. They wanted to spend time with him in the same way I did. Khalan was the only connection I had to them, and I knew that I probably wouldn't see the guys as often as I did, which wasn't very often in the first place.

Even though I didn't know them as much as I could have gotten to know them, they had a special place in my heart. What me and the guys had was an unspoken type of thing. No one really acknowledged it, it was just there. Just hanging in the air waiting to be acknowledged, but never getting that satisfaction of recognition.

I sat down on Khalan's brown sofa next to Drey.

"Wassup K, how you been?"

"I been chilling, wassup witchu?"

"Same. I been chilling."

I knew we weren't going to truly say anything about Khalan unless Khalan himself brought it up.

Khalan was an emotional person who hated to admit that he had emotions at all. He didn't have to tell me for me to know and finally understand that the move was killing him. Even if I wasn't in the picture, his life was here, and I can only imagine the way he feels.

I was in search of the remote so I could turn on the TV. The remote was always lost here and you had to go to war in order to find the damn thing. Someone was probably sitting on it, so I had to make all of them individually get up and check the cushions just to find it.

"Stand up, fool," I commanded Jax looking him straight in the eyes.

He pretended like I wasn't talking to him and kept on staring at his phone.

"I said—"

"I heard you, damn," he said in an exasperated-like tone. He was obviously kidding but I just wanted to watch television. I used all of my strength and pulled him off the couch. Lo and behold he was sitting on it. When I picked up the remote itself it was warm and disgusting.

"Damn, you take a dump on this shit? What the hell? Warm as fuck," I complained. Jax, Drey, and Khalan laughed as if I had said something funny. "Fuck y'all laughing at? No one said anything funny...."