𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆 | 𝑩.𝑬

-chapter 5-

*billies pov*

"Well?" Finneas asks impatiently, getting on my last nerve.

It's been like 8 hours since Liliana texted me and I can't bring myself to open the notification.

My dumbass can't think of a way too respond so I'm staring at the notification, not wanting her to know I've read her messages.

Leaving her on read is worse than being left on delivered. For all she knows, I could be tied up with whatever famous shit she thinks I get up too.

"I don't know bro." I sigh, getting mad at myself. "How do I respond to that? As much as I want us to be alright, I want us to be more than alright but this is all so confusing because of Kai and- UGH!" I hold my head in my hands as I try to comprehend everything.

Even though I'm not technically, it feels like I'm betraying Kai.

I mean, she's my ex girlfriend. Further, she's my ex girlfriend that I'm still totally hung up over.

"Am I a terrible person?" I murmer, my hands slightly shaky against my skin as my emotions slowly take over my body.

"Of course not." Claudia's soft, comforting voice comes from beside me, her familiar arms bringing me in for a hug. "It's not like we can choose who we like."

I let out a small, sad laugh, letting myself smile slightly at the memories.

"I said something similar to Lily before we started dating." I sniffle, moving my face against Claud's shoulder so my unhealthy ass hair moves out my face.

I remember that day so well. It was in the period where I was silently head over heels for this girl and she just couldn't take the hint.

She was adorable as fuck tho.

"I feel like you're always solving my problems, I think it's time I solved yours." I say, making her sigh.

I can tell Liliana is dealing with a lot right now. As much as she tries to mask it for me, I can still sense that's she's always tense and jumpy. It makes me want to just hug her and tell her everythings alright

"I think I hurt her. Really bad. And I don't know what to do."

I consider this for a moment, letting silence ring throughout the room.

"What happened?" I ask, a genuine interest in my voice but also accompanied by concern.

"It's just." Liliana say exasperatedly, getting up from my shoulder to look at her while she's talking. "We were talking about something important. Something it took me a while to come to terms with. I was kind of excited to tell her and then all of a sudden she started lashing out on me because apparently she's had a crush on me since I came here."

It's like my heart skips a beat. Xanon likes Liliana. I mean, go her and everything but it makes me extremely nervous and maybe just dampens my mood slightly.

Xanon has a better chance with Lily than I ever do. The odds are they'll be together by the end of tomorrow.

"Do you like her?" I ask quietly, trying to mask the jealously in my eyes.

"Fuck no." She says, making my heart rate slowly fade back to normal.

"Well then she can't be mad at you for not liking her. You can't force yourself to have feelings for people. That's shit comes naturally." I assure her, trying to play everything off casually with a shrug, getting up from my bed.

"You think about her a lot huh?" Claudia asks quietly, already knowing the answer.

She knows everything that happened with me and Lily. Claudia knows just how in love with her I am and there's no way I can convince her otherwise.

So I just nod sadly into her chest, unable to say anything that actually would make sense to me and anyone else right now.

"Billie, what are you going to do?" Finneas asks gently, although I can tell he's really concerned.

Although cheating on a person (if that's what I'm even doing at the moment) is fucking horrible, fame amplifies it's drasticness ten fold.

And that's not the only problem.

As much as they mean well and it's only to protect me, if the fans got any scent of this, a in depth background search would be put on Lily.

Meaning they could find out we went to school together, further, finding out all the fucking shitty things I used to do, not to mention I set a literal school on fire.

The media would have a field day, that god awful list reserfacing, not to mention Liliana is a girl and the fact I cheated.

Long story short, I would be screwed.

But the worst thing is that even if I decided to break up with Kai even though I would never do that, I mean, I love him. But we're speaking figuratively. If I broke up with him so I could try and get back together with Lily, doesn't mean she'll say yes.

Actually, there's no fucking way she would say yes after all the shit I put her through.

And even if she miraculously gets together with me again, doesn't stop the fans from finding out my past.

Thats my career gone, my team let down and my family put to shame for hiding this.

That's Finneas' career, Claudia's, not to mention my Mom.

It's just not possible.

And it's tearing me apart.

"I think I better go." I sniff, getting up from Claudia. "I need some time to myself."

Claud and Fin look uncertainly at me but nod nonetheless, me walking out their hotel room without another word.

My room is only next to theirs so I knock on the door 3 times, waiting for Kai too unlock the door cause my dumbass forgot the key card.

"Hey baby." He smiles, going in to kiss my cheek with I quickly reject.

"Just...don't touch me right now." I shudder, knowing how rude I sound but not apologising anyways.

Kai's face flashes with hurt and confusion, his eyes following me as I slump onto our bed.

"Did I do something wrong or....." He asks quietly, never taking his eyes off me.

"No this is really on me can you just-" I don't finish my sentence, my shaky hands going up to my head as I rest it on my knees.

"Baby are you okay? Do you want me to get Finneas-"

"No!" I say irratibably, suddenly standing up and actually making eye contact with him.

"I need time alone. From you and from everyone else."

Kai tries to run after me as I exit the room but I slam the door behind me, running out the building and sitting on the nearest bench I can find.

The security risk is fucking massive but I really can't give two fucks right now.

I just need to talk to one person. There's only one person that has any chance if making me better.

So, I pull out my phone and shakily find my contacts, clicking on the one with the 'unread' message and typing a response

when are you free?