Closer

Chapter 9

“Just conceded. Please, Kristen. Don’t make me do this,” I begged as I stood over her. Her face was covered in blood from the cut over her eyebrow, her bloody nose and busted tested lip. I didn’t want to do. I can’t. I was never expecting to have to fight one of my friends, I never wanted to, but I didn’t have a choice. I couldn't afford to lose my second fight.

“I’m sorry. You have too,” She tried to sit up on her elbows as she wiped blood from her eyes. The irony in her words hurt. Here I was, standing over her after giving her a beating and she was apologizing. For the first time since my blood dripped onto the burning coal I questioned my choice in choosing Dauntless. I brought my foot up and reluctantly smashed it into the side of her face, causing her body to go limp on the mat. 

I looked down at my bloody hands, ashamed. “Winner; Alex.” Eric announced. “You’re free to go,” he spoke to everyone in the room. “We’re done for today.” I didn’t look at him as I brushed past him towards the door.

“Alex!” I heard Four call, but I ignored him as I hurried out of the training room. I didn’t know where I was going, I just knew I couldn’t stay in there as I watched them carry Kristen’s unconscious body to the infirmary. It was selfish that I was only focusing on my pain and not her’s, but then again, there was a reason I wasn’t Abnegation anymore.

My ears filled with the sound of rushing water as I approached the chasm. If there was one place that I could drowned out my thoughts, it would be here. I navigated over the uneven and wet rocks, sitting on the edge. I looked down, the harsh water rushing into the abyss. I wish I could disappear just like the water did. I didn’t want to be in my right mind right now. I wish I could swap places with Kristen, but I can’t. I’m Alex Eaton, the victor, and I have to deal with what I’ve done to one of my closes friends.

I looked down at the red on my hands. I rubbed them together, trying to get rid of the stick substance, but didn’t secede. I rubbed harder and harder, but to no avail. Having Kristen’s blood on my hands made me stick. My eyes began to water no matter how hard I tried to fight it.

“You’re not gonna jump, are you?” I jumped slightly at the sound of his voice. The noise of the water prevented me from hearing him come up behind me. My hands clenched together, feeling the blood squish between my fingers.

“Why would you care?” I nearly choked. Eric ignored my warning as he made his way over the wet rocks. I wiped the wetness from my eyes with my arm and stood. He stopped when he was a few feet away from me. 

“Well, personally, I wouldn’t, but if Max found out an initiate jumped under my watch he’d have my ass,” I rolled my eyes at his reply.

“I’m so not in the mood for this right now,” I groaned. I went to walk past him, but his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.

“This,” Eric motioned to my grief stricken face and puffy eyes. “isn’t gonna cut it in Dauntless. Get your shit together or you won’t make it here.”

I yanked my arm out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me,” I hissed. “If there’s one reason why I won’t make it here is because you’re driving me fucking insane!” 

“You’ll thank me for this later down the road. I’m helping you. I’m-” I cut him mid-sentence.

“That’s bullshit! Enough of this ‘helping me’ crap. You just want to see me squirm and suffer at your hand and I don’t understand why…” I looked away from him and at the rocks beneath my feet.

“You deserved everything that I’ve put you through,” he retorted.

“Why?” I looked up and met his grey eyes. “Because I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut, right? Because I have the balls to say what other people don’t? Because I remind you of the fact that you’re not as high and mighty as you might think?”