Closer

Chapter 19

I sighed at the sight of Eric at my door. Not saying anything, I stepped aside, allowing him into my apartment. I closed the door behind him as he entered my home. I was hoping he would say something first because I had no idea what to say to him. His expression was a mix of emotions, none of which I could pin point. 

"Congrats on becoming a leader," he said almost awkwardly. His visit had nothing to do with me becoming a leader. His tone and body language gave that away. I watched as he scratched the back on his neck, looking away from me.

"Why are you here, Eric?" I questioned. After all the back and forth between us I need this, whatever it was, cleared up.

"I don't know," he admitted. He looked back up at me. "But I know that I'm sorry for all the shit I've given you."

"What?" Did he just apologize? I wouldn't have expected that from him.

"After I watched your fear landscape..." He started, but I didn't want to talk about it. I went to brush past him to get to the kitchen and away from this conversation. Eric grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him, forcing me to face him. "You can't run from this conversation. We need to talk about this."

"No, we don't," I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let me go.

"Is that why you didn't tell me about Four? Because you didn't want me to know about Marcus?" 

My eyes shot to the ground, wanting to avoid his. My actions all but confirmed his questions. Sure there was a little more to it, but that was the root of it. He brought his hand up and lifted my chin. "I didn't want you to look at me like I was a kicked puppy. And I didn't want you to hate me because you hate my brother."

"Four being your brother doesn't change anything. I wasn't pissed because he was your brother, I was pissed that you didn't tell me," I looked back up at him and met his eyes. They weren't mad, or judgmental, or even pitiful, they were understanding. But just the thought of Marcus made me cringe. I didn't want to talk about my father.

"My father wasn't the only thing you saw in my fear landscape though," he dropped my wrist.

"No, it wasn't." I wanted to reach out and take his hand, but I couldn't bring myself to. I remembered his face. His sinister smirk as he called me a coward. As he watched me bleed to death. "Are you afraid of me?"

"It wasn't you that I was afraid of," I countered. I've never been afraid of Eric. I always challenged him, making sure he knew that I didn't fear him, but I could understand how he would think that. "My whole world fell apart in that simulation. I was dying and there was nothing I could do. And then there was you." 

His eyes dropped from mine and to his boots. "That sim cost you your ranking."

"I didn't know how to get out of it. I'd never had that fear before." If anything I blamed Seth for my second place ranking. He's the one who had me sidelined.

"Did you mean what you said?" He asked. I swallowed hard as I thought about how to answer.

"Yeah, I did. I didn't tell you because... I didn't want to lose you," I grabbed his hand and he intertwined his fingers with mine. "Why?" Why was it so important that he knew that?

He didn't answer me. He just stared at our hands. I stepped closer to him. "Why, Eric?"

"Don't make me say it," he pleaded, squeezing my hand slightly. Say what?

"Why?"

He took in a sharp breath and met my blue eyes. "I just... I'd never felt anything like this towards anyone and then you came along and I..." he stopped, not knowing whether to continue or not.