Just Another Mother

Chapter - 13

5 years back

On the morning after the accident, with Neena's help, I told them that their parents have gone to heaven to be with God and they can't come back. It wasn't easy to calm them down.

"But why didn't they take us with them?"Jaiky asked.

"Baby, we have to do so many good things. Then only God will take us there" I told them hoping they would understand something.

"Then if we do good things, will god take us to meet Mom and Dad? Jessi asked with teary eyes.

"Yes Baby, but not soon, it will take time. That's why God has asked Mumma to take care of you" I told them. I just hope I'm saying the right things. I haven't been in such a situation and have no idea how to handle it.

"Mumma, will you also leave us like Mom and Dad?" Jaidy asked me with a scared look.

Oh, God!!!!No!! I won't leave them at any cost. I'm ready to lose everything in this world to get rid of that scary look in his eyes. I have decided right at that moment that I will be their Mother until my last breath.

I hugged him and told "No Baby, I won't. I'll be there with you all." I wiped his tears and hugged jaiky and Jessi too.

I took them to their home once they got discharged with the newborns. Neena brought lunch for us. So I made them have it and fed the babies too and put them all to sleep. They are exhausted.

"Are you sure Meera? You haven't even talked to your parents. Do you think they will accept it? What about Vivek?"Neena asked me as soon as I settled down on the couch.

"I don't know Neena. But I know one thing that I'm not going to leave them. I couldn't bear it when jaidy looked at me like that. I'm ready to face anything to protect them. I don't know whether Vivek will accept them and I'm not even sure whether my parents will accept us or will throw us out of their lives. But whatever it is, I'm not going to leave my kids. They need me the most in this world right now. I might be being selfish without thinking about Vivek's feelings or my parent's feelings but I have taken the decision and I just hope that they will understand if they love me." I told Neena, wiping my face with both hands.

We sat in silence busy with our thoughts until it got interrupted by my Mom's phone call.

Mom: "Meera..how are you, my dear?" I could hear the concern in her voice.

I know for mom and dad I'm their world. Being their only child, a child which they got after a lot of prayers and offerings that too, after two abortions, their life is all about me! and here, I'm going to hurt them. I wiped my tears and controlled my emotions.

Me: "I'm ok mom... We have brought them home. They got discharged today." I told her while trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.

Mom: "Vivek told us yesterday. I couldn't believe it. He told you would be taking a rest and so we didn't call you. How are the kids?"

Both of them loved these kids. They used to have video chat with them once in a while and kids call them grandpa and grandma. I don't know what will happen to their bonding once I tell them my decision. I just hope she won't blame the kids if I end up without a life partner!!

Me: "They are ok. They are sleeping right now. Mom, I have something to tell."

Mom: "I know baby. Vivek told us. It's ok. Take your time we'll postpone the wedding. We want you to attend your wedding without any worries. We will convince everyone. Don't worry my darling we are here for you. We love you."

I couldn't control my tears. I'm lucky to have such wonderful parents. Everything might change once I tell them my decision. Will they love me like this or will they hate me? I'm sorry Mom and Dad for not being a good daughter. I'm going to hurt you. I couldn't make you proud of me. I'm going to throw you both into a pit of shame, pain, taunts, and worries. I'm sorry... My mind wandered around with all these thoughts.

Mom:" Baby..are you there? Hello..?"

Me: "I'm here Mom.." after some moments of silence "Mom... I have decided to be their guardian. I'm sorry."

The silence at the other end made me doubt whether she heard what I said or not.

Mom: "MEERA!!!! What are you saying? And What do you mean by 'you have decided'? When did you become 'big' enough to decide on such things? Huh?? Don't think that, now you are living by yourself, you can decide things on your own! We are your parents and we will decide. I know you are hurt but this is not the solution and we won't let you do it. You are going to arrange for them a family and will come back to India. That's it. No more discussion on this." My mom said with her 'don't mess with me' tone.

Me: "No Mom. I'm sorry I can't leave them. Yes, I might have decided upon my emotions but I know one thing for sure, if I don't do this, I won't have a peaceful life ahead... "

I said with a definitive tone.

Mom: "Oh God Meera!!! What are you doing?? You listen to me. Don't do anything foolish. I understand your love for the kids. But this is not the solution. First of all, they are not your kids. How will you raise them in their culture? And you are still young baby, you are just 24years and how are you going to manage 5 kids? And what about your life? Do you think Vivek's family will accept it? Will anyone from our society marries a woman who is a mother of 5 kids and that too American kids. Not even a divorcee will be willing to marry you. I won't let you ruin your life. YOU LISTEN TO ME GIRL. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. ARRANGE THEM IN A SAFE PLACE AND YOU ARE COMING BACK TO INDIA. That's it. If you want, we will arrange something to pay for their well-being. But you are our only daughter and we won't let you spoil your life by taking any such stupid decision. YOU got it?" Mom shouted at me.

Meera: "I'm sorry for hurting you, mom. I know the consequences of my decision. But I won't leave them mom. They need me. I'm sorry. But, I'm also thinking from a mother's perspective. I hope that you will understand me one day. I'm sorry...I couldn't be a good daughter. I'm sorry Mom. I love you both a lot but the moment I leave these kids, I will die out of guilt and worries. I won't be able to live when they are left to live on their own. No Mom. I can't. I know I'm hurting you but I'm sorry mom I can't. I will talk to Vivek and if he is not willing to support me, which I don't expect him to do, I'll call you to cancel the wedding."

"Savithriiiiiiiii... Savitri.. wake up... Radha please bring some water" I heard Dad's voice and someone running with an anklet. Mom fainted and Radha aunty, our maid, was running to get water. That much I understood.

Oh, God!! Please don't let anything happen to her... Please, God!!

Me: "Mom... Dad...What is happening there? I'm sorry Mom!!! Mom!!! Dad!!!." I couldn't control my tears.

Dad: "Will call you back dear.. Everything is alright. Mom is fine." He disconnected the call.

I broke down. Neena came running towards me from the kitchen. She hugged me. "I'm a bad daughter Neenu. I'm hurting them.. what will I do? My mom fainted because of me. Oh God, what will I do?? I don't want them to be hurt but I can't leave the kids. I can't fulfill my parents' wish."

I cried and Neenu tried to console me. We didn't know that jaiky was there until he hugged me and kissed me on my right cheek. I was shocked. I didn't want him to see my breakdown. I embraced him.

He patted my back and told "Don't cry, Mumma... We won't leave you even if God asks us to go. We will be there for you. I promise. We will hit whoever hurts our Mumma. Don't cry, Mommy...We love you" I tightened my hug when my baby called me Mommy, I know he didn't realize it but I felt overwhelmed and I didn't need any more confirmation that I'm making the right decision. I will never forgive myself for hurting my parents but I won't live if I leave my kids. I can only say sorry to my parents and Vivek. Vivek...I don't know how he is going to react.

Me: "Love you too Baby" and I kissed on both of his cheeks.