Masked

Entry Eleven

Hey, future me. Gray might have been the thing that saved me, the thing that pushed me to fight long enough for the paramedics to save me. That means Gray saved me for the second time in our lives. After I decided to fight for consciousness, I slipped in and out of understanding and nightmares, catching only bits and pieces of the story unfolding in front of my eyes.

I was awake when someone's arms wrapped around me, lifting me through the hallway and out the front door. There were panicked cries and sobs, and people kept asking questions in forcibly hushed voices. Whoever carried me did so gently but tightly, like they were scared to let go, to lose me. They tucked their arms and my limp body into their unevenly moving chest, wracked with sobs.

I was awake when Danielle whispered the second half of a sentence in my ear over the blaring sirens as she brushed a lock of my hair off my face. She said something along the lines of 'wake the fuck up,' 'don't leave me alone,' and 'it's been over 12 years.' I wanted to reach out and grab her hand and tell her I was going to make it, that it would be alright, but as it was, I was hardly breathing. My heart rate was drastically decreased, and I wouldn't be making it out. I felt bad for leaving Danielle and my aunt, but I would've been free. I hadn't murdered my family, so I wasn't bound to my mistakes anymore. I could go home.

I was awake when the gurney rushed me into what I could only assume was the ER, with the patter of three sets of rushed footsteps following the squealing of the wheels. Aunt Jayde was sobbing quietly, her distress muffled presumably by her hands. I knew Danielle was there, as she was chatting nervously with another voice. The voice was unmistakably Gray's, and when I realized he'd come all this way with me, for me, I was calmed. A sense of relief washed over me softly, like the gentle waves on the shore of a soft-sanded beach. I was so sure that I wouldn't make it out of that hospital alive, as the medication was numbing my body slowly from my feet upwards, but I felt safe. I thought 'I might not be alright, but whatever goes down, I'm safe here.' The wheels' screeching slowed to a soft wail and eventually a soft 'beep' as I lost consciousness again.

I was awake when the fluorescent lights allowed me to focus on two faces leaning over my body. I blinked until the two pale faces slid into one, a strained smile forming at the corner of the boy's lips, his messy brown hair dangling in front of his nose. He backed away from my face and sat back, rushing out of sight with his memorable limp.

When the distraction disappeared, I became aware of the poor circulation and pins and needles growing stronger in my feet and lower legs due to the excess weight resting on my thighs. The weight shifted evenly with soft breaths as the person slept peacefully, at ease knowing their best friend would be alright.

I remember smiling to myself. Everything was going to be alright.

"Gray?" I called out; my voice hoarse.

"Yeah?" He was sniffling as he walked over to me. I felt horrible that I did this, that I was selfish enough to hurt Danielle, Aunt Jayde, and Gray like that. I wanted to apologize.

"Gray, I'm sorry... and can you please get Danielle off? My legs are asleep," Gray chuckled and I felt the weight lift off my body. I immediately sat up and climbed out of the bed, standing awkwardly at the side. Aunt Jayde was asleep in the corner and Danielle was laid beside her; Gray bent over her body as he set her down carefully. His shirt was wrinkled and his hair messy, I was sure he'd been pacing.

I checked the clock on the wall and realized it was one in the morning, the reason that everyone else was asleep. Everyone except Gray. He stood up straight and turned around, making eye contact with me. He was smiling, but he had bags under his eyes and tears staining his cheeks. I ran the few steps to him and slung my arms around his neck, holding him tight. He stayed up the whole time, just for me.

"Gray, why are you up? Why are you even here?" I was so glad he was there, and I didn't want him to leave. I felt safe in Gray's arms, I didn't want him to let go. I stuck my nose into the crook of his neck, breathing him in slowly as I held on tightly. He smelled like pine, detergent, and something sweet; it was a comforting scent, a soft one. I held kept holding on.

"I didn't mean for you to run out like that, Brook. I wasn't thinking straight. When you left, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to run after you, I was scared you'd jump off the tower, but during the day, the officers would have stopped you from sneaking in, so you must've gone home. I tried calling after you, but you kept running. When I realized you weren't coming back, I ran back inside the shop and collected your things. I realized you needed help, so I went through your laptop and found Danielle in your contacts and added her number. I told her to meet me at the coffee shop and pick up your things. I said you were in trouble and needed help." He stopped, his breath hitching as he paused to let a tear fall into my hair.

"I asked for directions and drove Danielle and myself to your place and sent her in first. I waited in the car to drive to the hospital in case something went wrong. Danielle was freaking out, she texted me that she couldn't get in your room and that she knew something was wrong. Your Aunt opened the door for me and I ran inside and down the hall to see Danielle on the floor. She said the door wouldn't open, and I tried it a bunch, shaking, picking the lock. I told Danielle to call an ambulance. Then I realized the door wouldn't budge so I smashed my shoulder into the side continuously until the lock broke and the frame splintered. When I ran in, I saw you on the floor like that..." He stopped, his breathing shaky. I pulled him in tighter and rocked side to side with him, whispering that it would be alright.

"I unlocked the door and started CPR, and it was only minutes until the paramedics showed up. I followed you, Danielle, and your Aunt to the hospital, crying in the ambulance. Danielle tried asking what happened, but I was too shook up to talk much," He stopped, his voice cracking as tears fell gently into my hair. We stood there silently holding each other until the doctor came in and discharged me. I sat in the lobby with Danielle and Aunt Jayde while we waited for Gray to get back.

"We have some catching up to do, Brook. I almost lost you," Danielle said, crying. I just smiled meekly, but it wasn't a masked smile. My mask was lying on the floor of a coffee shop at the other end of town.

"I'm sorry, Danielle. I just didn't want to hurt you, to put all my pain on you. I love you too much." I was crying as well when I hugged her. Aunt Jayde didn't say anything, she just smiled, looking relieved. The sweetness was faint, but it was present in her honey eyes. She was happy to still have me, as I was to have her.

When Gray arrived again, he piled us all into the car and we drove to our place. The ride was silent, except for the music playing softly from the radio station and the occasional sniff from Danielle or Aunt Jayde. The silence wasn't stressed or tense, it was calm, relaxed. The whole car felt lighter, the air, my smile, all of it. None of us had felt the tension before, but we all knew it had lifted. Everything was going to be alright.

Gray stayed the night at our place, as did Danielle. Danielle, Gray and I all camped out in the living room, sharing small stories, and catching up. I knew Danielle was going to be alright because she went back to cracking jokes and teasing Gray and me for acting like a couple. Obviously, I denied it immediately, but Gray started flirting again, proving he would be alright, too.

When Danielle and Gray fell asleep that night, I lay awake, thinking. I reached down to feel my scab and felt the beginning of a scar. I didn't have the urge to pick it or peel it, and I didn't even feel all that bad. Sure, I really missed my family, my mom, dad, and Michael, but they were gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was going to be alright, I had two best friends who cared for me, who loved me, I had my Aunt who loved and supported me, and I knew I was a good person.

I didn't kill my parents, and Gray didn't either. The man who killed them was forgiven, I'm sure, by my family, and myself. I was happy and hopeful, and I couldn't wait for what tomorrow had to bring.

When I fell asleep that night, I dreamt I got up and walked into a coffee shop and found my mask on the floor. I picked it up, turned it over in my hand, and threw it out into the streets, watching the rain soak the flimsy cardboard as it drifted from my hand, floating in the wind. I didn't watch it land, because wherever it landed, it was away from me, and I would never wear a mask again. I was finally free to smile.