The Adventure of the Gross Grocery

Chapter 4 - Meeting at the Meat Department

 I spot the chalkboard artist sketching a cow over by the meat department. 

"Hi Francesca. Nice drawing."

"Thanks," she says, her chalk lingering over the cow's mouth. "I can't decide; should I make him smiling or not?" 

"I'd think he'd be unhappy, since he's gonna be eaten for someone's dinner."

"Yeah well, that's not going to sell hamburgers."

"Hmmm. Tough call," I say. "Why not just make him mooooo?"

"Good idea." Francesca draws a round mouth, with a speech bubble that reads 'Moooo'."

"Did you hear about that old lady losing her wallet?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Yes, she probably just put it down somewhere. I do that all the time with my chalk." 

"I keep telling her, but she won't listen," says an impish creature sitting atop the chalkboard. He's covered in a rainbow of chalk dust, likely from all the pieces he's picked up after Francesca. For a moment I wonder if he might've unzipped the purse himself, but it's so unlike these creatures to steal anything (with the exception of cheese) that I immediately dismiss the idea. They're a mischievous bunch for sure, but I've never known one that was outright bad. 

This chalk imp, for example, has a habit of embellishing Francesca's drawings once she's finished. This isn't necessarily a bad thing as the imp's actually a better artist. He works fast, with a keen eye for detail. And since Francesca's got a terrible memory, she never even notices her artwork's been altered.

I smile at the creature, then remember that Francesca can't see him, and pretend to admire her chalk drawings instead.

"Did an old lady come by this way?" I ask.

"Mrs. Coldstone? Hmmm, she might've bought some meat from Johnny here, I can't remember." Francesca gestures over her shoulder to the butcher, who — sporting a blood-stained apron — looks straight out of a horror film. The reality couldn't be further from the truth; Johnny's the sweetest guy.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks, looking up from the counter.

"No thanks," I say, shrugging. "Still a vegetarian." 

"This spare rib might convert you."

"Hmmmmm....tempting." I'm just being polite, however. It's not tempting at all. "Did Mrs. Coldstone order anything from you?"

"Yup. Same thing she always gets — hamburger. Had a coupon for two pounds raw chuck. Emptied her whole wallet here on the counter to find it."

"She's a regular customer then?" I notice another chalkboard below the counter with smudged writing. Mrs. Coldstone might've brushed up against it when placing her order. That would explain the chalk dust on her purse. 

"Oh yes," Johnny nodds, "she's in here almost every week." 

"She thinks I took her wallet," I explain.

Johnny crosses his arms. "Why would she think such an awful thing?"

"Because there's only two customers in the store right now, her and me."

"Actually," says the chalk imp, "there are three customers."