TRUE LOVE (PART 2)

THE DINNER

I had never imagined it was possible for me to be this happy; I was constantly smiling and my heart was glowing and everything seems perfect. Perfect but still, to be honest, I was scared too, and I was not sure how to stop worrying. AIl my life I had this doubt that; No matter how much I smile that same amount I have to cry too, there will always be a balance and the amount I was happy now is the same amount I will cry too. So now I was scared and panicking that something bad was going to happen and I was scared to my core, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was almost dawn and Aly was fast asleep beside me and I was wide awake thinking about the things I should not be thinking. Last night was great' top on my top ten most perfect nights, Aly was full of surprise and the night was magical.

I was engaged; I whispered again and raised my hand up to see the ring.
Even though the lights were off, it was clear for me to see the diamond that was shining. It was almost dawn and the light from outside; brighten the room enough for me to see everything clearly. Aly was lightly snoring, and it made it a little uncomfortable for me to sleep.

Suddenly everything around, me was making me ultra-aware and I was not able to sleep.
No, no, no don't think about it don't think about it. I kept repeating it like a mantra; scared of my worst fear to surface and ruin this perfect night, this perfect emotion and this perfect life that I was going to start with Aly; my Aly, my sweet- sweet lovely Aly.

"Don't think about it" I repeated.
Now you have told him YES, he was going to leave you too' the voice inside my head whispered in my ears giving me chill and I shut my eyes closed tightly.

Don't think about it' I repeated once more; scared shivering.
If you don't think about it, it will not change the fact that you're doom be alone.
And now suddenly if you don't think about it then you will not be loved again,' my inner self said mocking me and smiling at my fear.
Please don't think about,' I begged.

Just stop' my inner self shouted at me yelled at me to not hide and to face my fear.
No, I cannot, I replied.
Why'? It demanded
I was afraid that the way my life was now it was just a dream and if I say anything then I will wake up and all these will be gone, and I will be stuck all alone in the darkness just like now. I was living a dream and I don't want to wake up' I yelled at myself.

Though there was no voice coming out of my mouth, still I was yelling in my head at myself so hard that I clenched my fist with full force and my nails dug in deeply and it started paining.
Tears started flowing and even though my eyes were shut, I could still feel it sliding all the way down to my ears, and as the tears tickled my ears, I opened my eyes and the voices stopped.

The room was still a little dark; It was not completely morning and in spite of the fact that I was crying; I sighed. I looked up at the ceiling and tried to imagine patterns.

Flower, sun, maybe the moon, or number
four.

As I tried to find the patterns slowly, my inner self started talking again and this time I tried to face my worst fear and listen to all the possibilities.

What if in the morning he gets up and realizes it's a mistake and decides to leave again?"
What if he realizes that you are not the same person as you were nine years back and then he stops loving you?"
What if it didn't work out? What will you do then?"
What if" my inner self started listing my fears and as I was about to panie again Aly shifted beside and started tossing; restless. He turned towards me and placed his hand and leg on me and pulled me close to him. His eyes were closed, and he smiled as he rubbed his face over my shoulder and kissed softly and then he was still again.

I was still as a tree and I looked at his smiling face, even in sleep he was pleased to be beside me, and the thought made my heart feel warm again and suddenly all my worries were gone and my inner self was quiet; dead quiet.