TRUE LOVE (PART 2)

PART 2

"Hi sleepyhead," I whispered, kissing his forehead.
"Hi" he smiled and closed his eyes.
Then he yawned and hugged me tightly, and I pressed my cheek over his head, taking him in my embrace, he quizzes me and I complained as usual.

"Too tight, too tight" and patted his back, and he giggles and loosens the grip.
"Someone is in a good mood,"I teased.
"Yes, I slept nicely and dreamlessly," he said cheerfully as he looked at me.
"Good for you" I replied irritated, remembering my dream and how badly I wanted it to be real.

"Why are you saying like this? What's wrong?" he turned and asked me; serious.
"Oh, nothing, just a dream." I reassured him quickly.
"Something bad?"he asked concerned
now.

"Hmm, you can say something like that,"
I said thoughtfully, guessing for the right word to describe it.
"Something good?" he guessed, noticing my tone.

Instantly I remembered, and I blushed, his eyes grew wide and a smile started to spread on his lips. I didn't answer.
"Defiantly something good," he pressed.
"Stop it" I said smiling; I failed to control my smile.
"Why are you blushing?" he asked, and he popped his head on his hand to get the full view of my face.

"No, I'm not blushing and stop making cute faces. It's making me smile" I said, trying to control myself.
Sometimes it was so difficult to hide my expression, emotions, and other times I forget that he knew me well.
"Stop lying, I know you saw a dream of mine" he guessed and was excited about my answer.
"Stop it," I said embarrassed, I got up and sat; ready to leave the room.

"Tell me" he pulled my hand and I half fell over him.

Remember he asked for it' I told myself and my inner self had a wicked smile.
I slowly got up on the bed and climbed on top of him and sat on his abs. He stopped smiling; He was lying on his back and I was sitting on his abs. Then every slowly I
leaned in .

"Are you sure you really want to know what we did in the dream?" I whispered, and I saw him eyeing my lips and the heat between us was rising just like the dream.
He didn't reply, but I could feel his breathing speeding up.
"Answer me," I asked him again and stare at his lips too, he saw me gazing at his lips and to tease him more, I slowly bit my lower lip and he blinked.

Expression was clear on his face he was attracted and to be honest so was I. I knew I was just teasing him but part of me was enjoying the closeness. Part of me wanted me to lean forward, to fill the gap and kiss him, to make my dream a reality, to continue where my dream had stopped, even though I wanted to, I just couldn't. I gathered self-control as much I could and leaned back. And let go of the breath I was holding which I was not aware of. Aly ran his hands into his hairs and I grin; childishly

"You are a very bad girl" he said frustrated,
and I burst out laughing.
I was still sitting on him and suddenly he drew his legs up and as I was not having any support I fall over his face and immediately with my hands; I balanced myself before our head could crash. I was again only an inch away from his lips.

"Stop laughing, it not a joke I want you,"he said with a tensed face.
As he spoke those words, his lips moved closer to mine, barely touching mine. I stopped laughing and just looked at him.

My mind was thinking and repeating his words in my head, but I couldn't reply to him. No matter how much I wanted him or he wanted me, it was the wrong thing to do.

"i'm sorry." I whispered and straightened myself up and slowly climbed down from him and bed. And he didn't stop me.
I got up and started walking towards the washroom. I didn't have guts to look back at him. I walked straight to the bathroom without turning back.

Why is it wrong?' I asked myself softly.

I looked at the mirror and saw a girl staring back at me. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and she had a glow on her face, though her expression didn't matech her emotion, as she looked happy. I was amazed. Am I happy? To be honest, the answer for that is yes. I'm happy or was a few minutes before. I hung my head down and closed my eyes. My eyes started burning, and I knew I was about to cry.

Why is it wrong?' I asked myself again as I sobbed?
I sat down on the floor and buried my face in my hands and tears started following.

I know it was wrong, and I was hurting myself along with him, but I was scared.
Scared that if he left now, it would be very difficult for me to live without him again.
This timeI won't be having any strength to live.
Scared that if I tell him yes, then he will again leave me, I don't want him to go. If that meant to stay only friends then that's fine, I can scarify my love just for his presence in my life. I don't want to risk him get away from me by saying yes. I sobbed more, when I remembered past nine years being alone without him and I compared my lonely nights with the one along with him now. I'm happy and I feel alive when I'm with him, but my happiness always came with a price, I'm scared that if I tell him yes today, it will definitely make me happy but tomorrow when he will leave me again, it will be much harder than today to survive. I know I love him and I also know, I have desire to be with him; a powerful one, but love and desire are both different things.

Right now, even if I choose to be with him, maybe I will be choosing desire over love but I'm not sure if it is worth it for all the cry and pain that I had suffered. Being with him and accepting desire is not a big deal until my overthinking starts and my brain produces ten more fresh question, just like now,
What after the desire, he doesn't feel the same about you?"

Or what if after a year, when he is tired of you and you too don't feel love for him?"
What if it was never a love, it was desire all along?
Or what if he thinks less of you for thinking this?"
Or worst what he wants, no love but only desire?"

I panicked as the questions played over and over in my head and I closed my eyes shut and I heard a voice, Aly's voice in my head.

I blamed myself, it was my fault that you left, when I had the chance of talking to you I didn't. Instead, I spent the night making love. Though the night was special and magical, but in the end it's not worth it if you left. I want you for my whole life not just for a night

I released the breath that I was holding in relief and opened my eyes, as I remember last night conversation in the car.
He loves me, he loves me' I repeated the mantra and clamed myself.
He loves me and it's not just a desire.

It more than that, maybe right now I may be overwhelmed with joy and I may be confused between being with him and loving him, the line is every thin between them, no one can decide what they want more? Is it love that I want? Love, to always be there with him, make him smile and happy and even if it meant to stay physically apart. Or is it desire; to be there physically and satisfy all the cells of my body and heart once and for all with no emotional outburst.
What do I want?"

AS I thought about what I wanted, I heard a knock on the door. I looked up and saw the door was unlocked. I stood up and wiped my face and looked at my reflection. The happy girl was gone and now replaced with someone sad with a red nose. I knew there was no use of hiding here. I wiped my face again and opened the door and looked at him.