My Humble Poem Collection

not good enough

11:36pm  5/13/2021

i don't feel like i'm good enough

i really really don't

i just feel so all over the place

i don't feel like i fit in anywhere

and i always stick out like a sore thumb

i always have been this way

but tonight it was hitting me particularly hard

my boyfriend had to go for a minute

he had been frustrated with himself for procrastinating

and he was irritated that he couldn't just do it

and i thought he left left

that i wouldn't be able to talk to him for the rest of the night

and i cried

and then i thought

that i wasn't good enough

because i couldn't say the right thing

i've been taught that if you have nothing to say

 don't say anything at all

he told me before to say something

that it wasn't helping the situation to just say nothing

so i told him i didn't know what to say

that i had nothing to say

and he told me to say something

and it was the wrong thing

it wasn't the right thing

it wasn't good enough

i'm definitely not built for relationships yet

but i won't give up

maybe it's just a break i need?

yea a break would be nice

not to breakup but a short day or two just to myself

to rest my mind

organize my thoughts

distribute them into their correct

corresponding folders

boxes inside my mind

it would be lovely to be like everyone else

calm

quiet

collected

not an embarrassment

not a burden

not a cause of problems

i wish i could just float out to sea

i wouldn't let anyone down

and i wouldn't not be good enough

it'd be more than enough

it'd be the solution to all the problems

just me

at sea

nothing but wide open waters

nothing that i needed to satisfy

no goal in mind

no objectives

just emptiness

it's not like it would actually solve anything