Lay me Down to Sleep

Chapter 10

  My muscles ache as I stretch. I shouldn't have slept on the bathroom floor. At least the burns aren't as painful as before and with my healing, I should be okay in a week.
  I stand and am immediately faced with my reflection. I can't help but laugh at what I see. It's a cold resigned laugh that bubbles out of my lips. My bangs hang jaggedly just brushing my brows and the back is so short it doesn't even brush my neck. Yesterday's makeup still mars my features. Honestly, it suits me; the terrible evil inside finally shining through. The sight snaps something in me. I need to change it more.
  Still laughing, now in near hysterics, I grab the scissor from last night. They're the old fashion kind that are really sharp. They're so sharp that in my mania I barely feel it as I drag the blade from the start of my eyebrow over the bridge of my nose to my jawline. A perfectly diagonal line of red begins to leak down my face. It's still not enough, I carve 'sinner' into my arm. I laugh even harder at this. This is how I should look. I punch the mirror shattering it.
  I step out of the bathroom and head for the front door. Stepping onto my bike I begin to pedal to church, a big smile across my face all the way.
  When I get there the parking lot is filled meaning I'm late. I park my bike next to the doors before slamming them open.
  All eyes are on me as I take my seat. Their gazes finally absent of their harsh judgment, in its place is shock. Still ignoring them is nothing new. The lady next to me in the pew scoots away from me as though I'm an unpredictable animal. She's probably right.
  The preacher stumbles at the sight of me, but continues regardless. Despite his service, all eyes are on me.
  I am the most enthusiastic person in the building when the psalms start. I practically shout the words dancing in my seat.
  Once it's time to go I go. I don't stick around to clean up as I usually would, I just go. I hop on my bike and ride towards the clinic.
  I drop my bike in the grass outside and head for the doors. I push them open with a sense of gusto. I'm hit with the force of the AC and the scent of antiseptic.
  Dr. Azur looks up at me with a welcoming smile that immediately drops. She jumps up from her desk and immediately comes toward me.
  "What happened to you?!", she pleads. I laugh again and she flinches.
  "What do you mean?", I ask, "I finally look how I'm meant to". Her features turn to that of sympathy. She raises her hand to brush over the now dried blood. Her eyes turn glassy and she pulls me in for a hug. Her hand rubs soothing circles in my back. I wince when she touches the burns.
  She pulls away before making me turn to show her my back. I hear a slight gasp. She grabs my hand to lead me into one of the exam rooms.
  She sits me on the table and starts silently pulling out supplies. I watch as she pours alcohol on a cotton ball before coming to my side. She starts cleaning the scar on my arm sniffling all the while.
  When she gets to my face she stares into my eyes before she starts to cry.
  "You can't do this to me, it's not fair", she shouts bending to put her head down on the table beside me, "I can't lose another one god damn it". My face starts to crumble.
  "Hope", I say softly. She lets out a choked sob.
  "Hope, my daughter, myself, please not you too", she begs. I feel my eyes widen.
  "You have a daughter?", I ask. She doesn't respond.
  "What happened?", I ask now much softer. She picks herself up and starts cleaning my face.
  " I did what I had to to keep us safe", she says.
  "Where is she?", I ask.
  "I don't know; somewhere better I hope", she says, "her name was Aurora". She smiles a sad smile.
  "I'm sorry", I whisper.
  "Me too".
  She works in silence as she finishes cleaning my face and applying a metallic scented cream on my back and neck.
  When she's done she pulls me into a tight hug, "please don't go". I rest my chin on her shoulder and squeeze her back even tighter. I hug her like she's the last good thing in this world.
  The door chimes signaling someone came in, but neither of us moves. Footsteps stop outside the exam room. A soft knock raps on the door. Dr. Azur pulls away wiping her eyes.
  "Come in", at her words the door creaks open revealing a certain honey-eyed girl. She looks taken aback by my new appearance for a moment before composing herself.
  She turns to Dr. Azur, "what do you need me to do doctor?".
   "Just sweep the entryway for now", she answers in a choked voice. Yanis nods and turns to do as she's told without another glance my way.