Lay me Down to Sleep

Chapter 13

After our talk, Yanis went up to her room. She left me on her couch to sleep and think over her proposal. If I did come to live with her I'm sure my mother would raise hell. Besides, I don't want to intrude. However, I do like being so close to her. I also love her home, everything here just screams her name. Her touch is on every surface.
It's so relaxing I can't help falling asleep. When I wake it's to a knock at the door. Bleary eyed, I stumble off the couch. I know this isn't my home but, it's still the middle of the night and I'd hate to wake Yanis. Looking through the peephole I freeze.
"Please open the door I just want to talk", his voice is smaller than I'd ever heard. I sigh realizing I can't really say no.
I open the door just enough for my body to slip through before quickly closing it behind me. I rest my back against the door and cross my arms over my chest trying to look casual but, really just wanting as many barriers between him and Yanis as possible.
"How can I help you Alpha", I ask keeping my voice steady and impersonal. He sighs before sinking down to sit on the steps. He leans his head against the railing beams. He looks at me through half-lidded eyes, he's probably still a bit sedated from the wolfs bane.
"Can you tell me again?", he asks, "what you told me earlier". I'm a bit taken aback by his question.
"What for?", I ask.
"Please just tell me again", it's strange to have such a powerful being plead with me in this manner. I nod my agreement and sit down as well still being careful to keep my back against the door.
"Hope left because you wouldn't change", I start, "even when you stopped hurting Hope you still stayed the same. You always needed someone to hurt. I think she did start to change though. I know how before you whipped Dr. Azure she asked to be moved from the pack house. After what you did to Dr. Azure everyone knows Hope shut down for a bit. Then that night I came onto you and Hope found us, I don't know what you did to her but, I saw how animalistic you were when you chased after her. I think whatever it is you did to her made her fall in line not love. Then I guess when she saw what you did to me something snapped in her".
The Alpha sat quietly with his head down the entire time I spoke.
"You're right', his voice is barely above a whisper, "I've been a terrible mate and Alpha". He lifts his face to me and I see he's crying. He pulls a ring from his pocket and starts to fidget with it.
"I bought this that night before everything happened", he says, "I thought that me and Hope could finally get to be normal and that I'd get to use it soon".
"I heard about another Alpha who's mate left him over abuse", he says, "he's been leading without her for awhile now, I think I'm going to ask him to come train me".
"Are you sure he's a good man?", I ask, "if she left him over abuse he might not be a great guy to learn from".
"From what I've heard he was a tyrant before she left and that he's settled down a lot since, maybe he's reformed", he says, "maybe he can tell me how".
"Maybe", I say. We sit in silence for a moment I guess both of us are reflecting on who we were and who we will become.
"That girl is your mate right?", he asks breaking our silence.
"Yeah", I answer, "she is". He nods at this clearly mulling it over in his head.
"Are you good to her?", he asks.
I sigh, "not as much as I'd like to be".
"Don't ruin things with her", he says rising to his feet, "this is no way to live". He looks at me one last time, his face betraying his pain, and with that he walks off into the night presumably towards Hope's house. I rise to my feet as well and walk as quietly as I can back into the house.
I sink back into her couch thinking of what he said to me. He was right,this is no way to live. I need to make some changes.