A Court Of Secrets And Shadows.- gwynriel story

Chapter-4

When I wake up, I'm afraid
Somebody else might take my place
When I wake up, I'm afraid
Somebody else might end up being me .

Making her way to the dinning room , Gwyn walks through the corridors, making sure her steps are light. She was aware though, that Cassian and Nesta were surely not sleeping. While they had dinner together- which obviously Nesta forced - she saw the exchange of all the heated glance and the small things like licking spoon and cauldron knows what they did to tease each other. And Azriel was definitely not sleeping because, well because he was Azriel.

She opened the doors of the dining, stepping into the dark ,the moonlight peeking through the curtains , she immediately felt calm.
Gwyn has always loved the dark with the little moon peeking through it. It was like accepting the little light in the darkness or maybe like looking at the beauty of the only light in the dark. She walked towards the balcony, sitting down- her hands at the back supporting her and her legs stretched out- looking above at the dark sky with stars scattered all around.

She heard a soft thump , looking around her hand immediately slipped to the small knife strapped to her thigh. But it wasn't a person, it was just the house giving her it's treat, a chocolate pastry was just beside her . She laughed softly and said how grateful she was for the generosity. She started taking a bite of the delicious pastry when there was another thud, but this time a lot louder.
"Shh.. you'll wake them up." She said softly and laughed.
She glanced at the book the house has given - a smut novel.
"Really? Is this all you got, I have read better than this." She challenged.
Another thud.
"Now that's something fun." She opened the book, very well aware of the amount of smut it had. She had read many novels - sweet romance, erotic romance, wars, history- and then there was Cassian and Nesta and Feyre and Rhysand with their own story. They always made her wonder if one day , maybe , she will actually find love out there , well if she decides to go out there.
She sighed. There was no point in sprouting hopes about love , she always knew that it was not for her ,that love after all was just another thing she couldn't have , no matter how tempting the books she read were. She didn't have what every woman gave to their love , to someone they choose , it was taken away from her by someone she didn't know , by someone she didn't permit - not that they asked her- and now here she was. Broken.

She didn't let the thoughts overwhelm her instead she started reading the erotic book in her hands. She never felt uncomfortable while reading them , she never knew why but it was always easy to read. She smiled, the book was not only smutty but it had this really witty girl and the guy was no less than her. The banter made her laugh , she could feel a cyclone of butterflies in her stomach. That's why she loved reading books , it made her feel again- smile, laugh , cry- she felt it all. The words were like filling the permanent void inside of her.

She kept reading, her eyes now dropping a bit from sleep when suddenly a shadow twirled in front of her.
Azriel.
It was kind of his way to inform her that he was here. Quite helpful. She didn't immediately go to her fighting zone, instead she relaxed. Cassian did that too , walking loudly or talking so that she knew it was him and not attack and beat the shit out of him , he would say. She appreciated it. But it made her feel a bit different, like she was not normal - of course she wasn't- but the men thinking of her that way made her feel weak. She for once wanted to feel safe, that she wasn't fragile or that she didn't need to be so protected.

Azriel came to stand in front of her. She looked lost in thoughts but he did know she was aware of his presence because even unconsciously she was hiding the book behind her back- probably a smutty novel- the house gave him too. Not like he was out of ideas.