It must be hell inside your head

1. Arcade

She felt small. The sky was open but too high, the stone walls made her feel anxious. All becasue she knew this place all too well. It was their old factory.

"Why are we here?" she asked, her voice betraying her. Her hands were shaking in her pockets, her heart beating faster than usual. James looked at her. His eyes weren't what she expected. She thought that he would be sentimental, nostalgic. But his eyes were just sad, his voice too.

"Do you remember?" He asked, his hand slowly smoothing the letters written in the wall.

She came closer to see better even if she knew exactly what to expect.

We were here and we will come again.

-the Golden Trio

"Yeah, I remember." She whispered before memories came back to her.

She could see them. A small girl with two boys. They were sitting at the cold ground. The girl had her blonde head laid on the boy's shoulder, the other was sitting opposite of them with mischevious smile. All of them had sparks in their eyes, sparks that she didn't longer see when she looked into the mirror. Sparks that disappeared from James' eyes too. But now, she was looking at young Tommy. The boy with brown hair and green eyes. The boy who knew everything about her. The boy that was her best friend. The boy that was the only one who walked out of that fateful day happy.

"No, you didn't!" The small girl laughed and threw a small rock at the boy in front of her. The rock harmlessly flew over boy's head what made all of them laugh harder.

"I'm telling you! She was so angry that I was afraid of comming home!"

He was looking at her like she was his whole world. And maybe, at the time, she was.

"Your mom can be scary sometimes." Little Jamie imitated Mrs. Roden angry expression and made the girl laugh again.

She remembered that it was the happiest moment of her life. Memory that she held tightly, refusing to ever let go. 

The evening went on. They were laughing, telling their deepest secrets, eating candies. They were as carefree as children could be. But the evening had to come to its end and they had to go home.

"Wait!" Tommy said little too loud and picked up a sharp rock and started to carve into the wall.

"What are you doing?" Jamie asked curiously and stood next to him, watching confused what was he writing.

"We were here and we will come again." Tommy read out aloud and looked at his friends. "We will, right?"

Neither of them hestiated. James nodded his head and the small girl took the rock from his hand.

"The...Golden...Trio." She signed them with happy smile, sure that nothing in the world would tear them apart. The picture of them faded away.

They never did though. Those happy times were over. After so many years only two of them came back and both of them heartbroken.

"Do you think he remembers too?" She asked, cutting the silence scared what the answer will be.

"I don't think he cares." James sighed resigneted.

Suddenly, she uderstood. Why they passed themselves in the halls with nothing but the nod of their heads. Why they didn't speak to each other more than necessarily. Why she had to watch how their friendship turned into ash. All because Tom didn't care anymore. She tried so hard to make him remember the feeling of closeness they had that day. She tried so hard to understand how could he say such beautiful things and then don't care at all and now...she understood. Understood that all of that was just empty words, empty promises.

She felt tears in her eyes. But it weren't teras of sadness nor anger. She cried because she could finally breathe. She was finally free.

"I'm sorry I left you behind." James' eyes were still at the wall. He had to know it all along. He wasn't naive like her. He belived in that beutiful sweet dream only as long as it didn't hurt him.

"I'm not." She said her voice full of cry. James looked at her confused, his eyes looking for any clue what's wrong. But everything was fine.

"I...Thank you." She ignored his gaze, gave the writing at the wall one last look and walked away, leaving past behind. 

The ride home was silent for a while. She knew that James was giving her space for calm down all those emotions. 

"What happened to you then?" He asked the same thing as couple of days before, tearing the gaze out of the road. The answer was easier than before.

"Without you, I had noone. Mom tried to recover from divorce, Tom... had another intrests. I had Michelle but... she doesn't get me completely. Sometimes I just felt completely alone." She didn't look into his eyes. She wasn't ready for the guilt there. He knew that loneliness was dangerous for her. It always has been.

Silence spreaded for another couple of minutes.

"You know... In New York there was one girl. She was so like you. Complete nerd, daydreamer, not like 'the other girls'. Most of the days I tried to figure out why her presence was so much different from yours."

"What did you found out?" She asked looking at him with honest curiousity.

"She wasn't a good actor." 

She will never forget the smile he gave her.

They stayed in the car in front of her house for an hour. In silent. She didn't really remember when they start to hold hands but it felt nice.

"Sorry for the yelling." She said. It felt like years ago when she knocked on his front door furious.

"It's okay. You are actually cute when you are angry."

They laughed together, quietly but honestly. She looked at her house. There was light in the kitchen, her mother was probably cooking a dinner. She heard how the neighbour's kids were laughing at something. It almost seemed like nothing has changed.

"I should go." She said before it could break all over again. They smiled at each other one last time with silent promise of meeting up tomorrow. She opened her door and started to walk to her house.

"Hey Darling!" 

James' voice called after her. She turned around to see his mischevious smile. Darling... Her childhood nickname. Noone has called her like that in years but from James' mouth it sounded strangely familliar.

"Don't forget the scheme tomorow."

I've spent all of the love I saved
We were always a losing game
Small-town boy in a big arcade
I got addicted to a losing game