Kate and Jenny

Part 20

Kate

"Jenny? Hey! Can you hear me?" No response. She was obviously in a world of her own and my words fell on deaf ears. I couldn't wrap my head around how huge her gut has become. It rivaled yoga ball in size and she was only just fitting through the doorframe. Her T-shirt was stained with food and torn at the side. Just how much food did she eat?! How does she even manage to stand? Let alone walk?

Walking might have been a bit too strong word for what she was doing, considering that her mighty belly was getting in the way of her legs, pressing against her hefty thighs and so she just sort of waddled forward. But she was still moving forward and that was impressive! I opened the door to Jenny's bedroom and helped her navigate her bloated body onto her bed, which wasn't an easy task with Jenny being mentally absent. Somehow I managed to get her there without any great struggle, but the blank look on her face when she lied there worried me.

"Jenny? Can you hear me?" I started to stroke her hair. "Are you alright?" I let out a sigh. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

A spark appeared in her eyes, a spark that wasn't there before and she mumbled something almost inaudibly. She closed her eyes, falling asleep immediately. I felt as if I had been stabbed in the back because I could make out what she said. She said "It's your fault."

Pinned down to my bed by the weight of my breasts I stared at the ceiling, pondering. Was it really my fault? I maybe could have stopped her month ago before she went full on food crazy... I know that she was my responsibility, but what could I do? Lock her in her room? Besides she is not a small child. No, it's not my fault...

While I was trying to find a bit more comfortable position my eyes were inevitably drawn towards the massive mounds attached to my chest. Oh my God! A sudden realization forced its way into my mind. I shouldn't have given her the pill! How could I be so stupid? The pills are made to enhance appetite and they're clearly changing how the body works. They're made for adults! Who knows what they could have done to Jenny? Jenny always could eat surprising amounts of food and I remembered how much the pill affected her. Could it enhance her natural tendency for gluttony in the long term? My heart was pounding in my chest. Even though I knew my intentions were good, I might have ended up hurting person I loved with all of my heart. Why do I always fuck things up? I'm such a horrible person... What have I done?!

I woke up tired and aching after a long, restless night. Most of the night I spent awake contemplating, worrying about scenarios that I knew could never ever happen as well as reliving pretty much all of the mistakes I managed to make throughout my eighteen years of life. All the self-loathing accumulated inside of me overcame my rational part once again and now I was drowning in it.

I imagined Mark dumping me at least a dozen times, every time with more heartbreaking details, targeting my insecurities in order to hurt me as much as possible. If only I could shut down my brain sometimes...

My phone was blinking, notifying me of numerous missed calls and unread texts. I felt sorry for ignoring him, knowing he cared about me. Knowing just how much he cared about me. I don't deserve him. In a way I almost wished that he would dump me, even though the mere thought of it tore me apart at the same time. I was convinced that I wasn't worthy of having him in my life. I wasn't worthy of his affection or anyone else's affection at all.

My phone vibrated but this time I reached for it. Despite everything that was going through my head, a simple text from Mark asking me if I'm alright and if I'm willing to go on a lunch with him made me smile and I knew I needed to see him today. Something about that was so reassuring... I couldn't quite explain it.