The Real World

Sometimes Escapes Fail

Ash opened his eyes and saw the tent lightly billowing from the breeze outside. Can a moment be appreciated if we're trying to appreciate it? He noticed that his headache was gone and felt his shoulders relax. His brief peace soon faded to feeling overly warm and restless, and he noticed how still the air felt. He didn't hear any of the typical sounds associated with sleeping next to someone.

He glanced over and Mackenzie was indeed gone. He assumed that Mackenzie and the others were staying quiet to let him get some extra sleep. And although he wasn't sure of the time, he was appreciative of their kindness.

Climbing out of the tent to a group of smiles brought a broad grin to his face as well.

"We made it. No bears!", Christian spoke enthusiastically. He was holding a small steel coffee cup, with a filter on top. He looked back down to pour some water, from a small boiler, over the grounds.

Mackenzie was still smiling as she said, "Looks like you lost the bet as well, but at least the bear took the night off. How are you feeling?"

Ash felt a brief moment of joy when he realized that she'd remembered their bet from the previous night. It was a feeling he quickly suppressed, but it didn't decrease his overall positive feeling for the day.

Somewhat mumbling through the sound of recent sleep Ash said, "Much better. I had some weird dreams, but my headache seems to have gone. I really dislike headaches."

"Me too", said Mackenzie confidently.

Ash turned towards the forest and shouted back, "Watch out bears! I'm off to the men's room."

Mackenzie smiled and turned back to Christian and Penelope.

Ash kept walking into the forest to find a more private area. He soon learned that he could still hear the camp even though they seemed to believe he was out of ear shot. "Should we head back?" Christian asked Mackenzie.

Penelope chimed in, "I'm not sure. He seems fine and bear encounters happen. Clearly, the bear wasn't going to eat us, or it would have come back."

"He seemed fine last night too." Mackenzie whispered before adding a sarcastic, "We could just ask him."

Ash heard the sound of a slight thud and imagined Penelope pretending to hit Mackenzie's arm in good nature. He heard Penelope's voice, "I'm sure he seemed fine last night..." He hoped Mackenzie smiled back.

Christian didn't seem to notice this silent communication and continued on, "I agree, but will he tell us how he feels? My only concern is that he won't be honest because he's the guy we're following. He knows we're out here with him, and that must carry some kind of burden."

Standing behind a large oak tree, Ash was watching the forest. If asked, he would have said he was looking for the bear, but he knew he was simply listening. The ground cover was sparse, but the trees were thick enough to turn the forest into a dense jungle. He took a deep breath after listening to a few more sentences of what they were saying, and he knew that they were right about heading back. Perhaps if he was by himself he'd go home, but he didn't want to be the reason they went back.

The realization hit him and in a moment he knew everything was wrong. He'd argued for years about the stupidity of acting prideful and here he was trying to prove something, to himself, to them? He didn't know the basis for his stubbornness, but in that moment he recognized this whole situation was some kind of reaction a child would make. He wasn't becoming a mountaineer, he wasn't going to live off the land and come to grips with his own ambitions. He would never be able to abandon his dreams. He felt a wave of emotion as his world swayed and an overwhelming sense of loss came welling up. The familiar feeling of a rising panic attack led him to lose the forest and pull back into his own thoughts. What was he doing? He took a breath and counted to three. He then paused and breathed out for three. He did this a few times and looked up to focus on something real, something in front of him that he could touch and feel if he needed to. He found a tree and focused on the lowest branches where he saw a squirrel hugging the bark. It ran along a branch and out of sight. He forced himself to see the moment, but his mind fought back, with anxiety still welling up. He wanted to give in. He felt this urge to dwell and to continue his anxious loop. But he sensed the curtain was lifting.