You'd Be Home

Listen As You Feel 'Em

No matter how in the moment I attempted to be, when I saw Jade singing to her mom, a part of me left. A piece of innocence and belonging that I still was holding on to, drifted away to float above the scene. It absorbed the air from the room as the West's entire household went quiet. The walls built up to carry the weight of her mother's illness crumbled back to a time when their roles were reversed. A time when Jade's nightmares were consoled with the same song. A time when an indescribable happiness radiated through my girlfriend. She clung to her mother like she clung onto that memory. Even though in the recesses of her mind, Jade clearly knew that someday it would fade as well. That a time held most dear to her would only be a folk tale in her mother's recollection.

Not wanting to further intrude, I walked silently back to the living room. Looking around absentmindedly for something to do, I found myself trying to be useful. From straightening the front table to finishing the dishes Jade's dad started, my hands couldn't stay idle. As soon as my stomach began grumbling, I paced through the kitchen trying to find something I could make for us all. Settling on grilled cheese and tomato soup, I started focusing intently on everything that had happened in my day before noon.

I distinctly understood Jade's hesitancy. She was right. There was no way that we could just process this as a couple and then move forward. The world was not that generous. In a matter of weeks, we had carved out a safe space, and in hours that safe space had been flooded to make way for a reality that had been lurking behind me all along. As terrifying as it was to me, I had accepted all of Jade before knowing all that surrounded her. I had dedicated myself to seeing this relationship through the moment I saw her in the hallway after our first date. The moment her eyes grinned into mine. The visceral connection that palpitated between us was undeniable and for some reason, I was meant to be with her right now. Just as she was to be with me.

A few minutes from finishing four plates of food, I felt Jade's palms on my back as she curved her hands around my waist, "I thought I smelled something... " she whispered delicately into my left ear before barely catching my ear lobe between her lips.

I turned my head to face her, giving her a brief kiss before interrupting, "Give me one second. I can't burn the first meal I make for you."

"Who knew we had a James Beard Award recipient among us?" She replied, backing off to give me some space.

"A who?"

She scoffed in reply, "I'll explain later, Vega. Sorry about that, by the way."

Taking the last sandwich off the skillet and turning down the burner for the soup, I spun around to face her, "There's nothing to apologize for, Jade. I made enough for all us, including Nadia, by the way."

Jade was now sitting at a chair at the barstool chairs surrounding the island, "I'll text her." Looking up from her phone she continued speaking, "So what else did you do to keep yourself busy?"

"I straightened up some papers by the front door. Finished up with the dishes which took longer than I had anticipated because I seriously had no idea where anything went in this expansive kitchen."

Though only a little more than a foot from her, Jade reached her arms out to pull me in between her legs. "Why are you so wonderful?" she asked, looking up at me with immense sincerity.

"You deserve wonderful." I tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear with my thumb as she swerved her head downward attempting to escape my compliment, "You don't believe me?"

"In the middle of all of this? It's hard to."

"Why in the midst of caring for your mother would you not deserve the same in return?"