Hidden Tracks | ✓

18 | never saying sorry

We were stuck at a dead end.

After finding the ecstasy, we had no further leads to investigate. But TIA hadn't taken the two packets of drugs from us. Even though they'd said they would, I called the HQ and told them we would keep them with us for some time.

I had a feeling they could come in use.

After that, for two days, we couldn't do shit. I was getting increasingly frustrated with myself, for not being able to get any new ideas or anything to check out.

Moreover, time was running out. There were two high profile individuals missing, and we had been tasked with finding them. This was a matter of great importance, especially since both Interpol and TIA were involved.

Plus, Caldwell and Beaumont could only be kept hidden from the public eye for so long without anyone raising questions. Two celebrities like them wouldn't be gone on such a long break without the media getting suspicious.

So as anyone could see, we needed to get things going fast. We could continue our mission for another 2 weeks, tops, before the world started to question.

And so far, we'd got nothing substantial, which would actually lead us to the lair of the druglords and help us get to the missing duo.

This caused me immense frustration. I prided myself on being one of the sharpest agents at the agency, one of the people who could complete their job with the utmost speed and accuracy. And yet here I was, stuck in a rut with no further leads and time running out.

One day I actually found myself questioning if I'd have been better off without Miranda and Soler. If I'd have been faster, less tied down and more efficient. I dismissed that thought as soon as it came 'cause I knew it wasn't true. But it still caused me to kind of lash out at Soler one evening at the hotel, over something totally irrelevant.

I was reading the case file again and again, committing the documents to memory, when someone knocked on my door.

After a moment, Soler entered with a plate of cookies in one hand. I didn't even pay attention to him as he walked up to where I was sitting, I was so engrossed in the documents.

He set the plate down on the bedside table. "Miranda had some choco chip cookies and she asked me to give you some, since you didn't even have lunch today."

I didn't reply.

I heard him sigh. "Look, Winter, not eating won't do you any good. We're all tense and frustrated right now, but we can't starve ourselves trying to work, you know? If you go hungry now, you'll only slow us down."

That comment caused me to look up at him, my temper flaring. "I'll slow you down? How the hell can you say that when literally I've been doing half the work here? Miranda has also done a lot but what have you done, jackass? The only thing you've succeeded at is pissing me off!"

I knew my comments were out of line, I realised that as soon as the words left my mouth, but I was taking out all my pent up frustration on him. And at that moment, I was too charged up to care.

His eyes flashed in anger, and something else. Hurt?

"You better stop talking right there, Winter. You have no damn right to question my contribution right now. Eat your damn cookies so that we can work in peace without all your drama."

I stood up. "You're being such a hypocrite, talking about my drama. When all you've ever done since we met at TIA is be dramatic with me!"

If looks could kill, I would be six feet under now. He shot me a glare so harsh I felt its intensity in my bones.

He took a step forward and tilted his head down to look at me, so that we were almost nose to nose.

"Listen Winter," he whispered, "You don't know how much my hands are itching to take my Glock and shoot you with it. But I won't, because I have more self control than you. So eat your freaking cookies, and if you don't, I won't have as much control anymore. I'm warning you."

I'd never been this close to him, ever. Not even when we were stuck in that small room at Bon Appétit. I could see every vivid green fleck in his eyes, every small freckle splashed across his nose. This was making me feel queasy beyond measure, and it wasn't a good thing.

I took a step back, not letting him see how his proximity was affecting me. I was immune to his charms, and yet, whenever he came this close, I somehow stopped thinking.

And now, with the way he was calling me out, I felt guilty on top of everything else. I knew how dramatic I'd been, how much I'd overreacted. But I wasn't going to apologise or admit my mistake to him. Hell no. He'd never let me live it down.

I stepped back and glared at him one last time before flipping him off and munching on a cookie angrily. Outside, I let him think I was angry at him, but deep inside I knew all that anger was solely directed at myself.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him let out a breath in exasperation, shake his head a little, and then leave. He made sure to slam the door behind him.

I sighed after he was gone. God, now I probably messed up our group dynamic even more.

This incident happened yesterday. Today, all day, Soler and I hadn't exchanged a single word, and Miranda had surely noticed. She'd probably even heard of our fight from Soler.

I spent all day couped up in my room, trying to get my senses together and bloody think. I tried to force myself to have a brainwave, but ended up with nothing after two hours.

At one point, I somehow found myself thinking about penguins and enchiladas and what if penguins ate enchiladas.

Just as I was about to lose my mind, Miranda entered my room. I could tell she'd been working late hours too, since she had bags under her eyes and her face screamed I need sleep.

I offered her a weak smile as she came and sat beside me. "Hey."

"Hey," she smiled back. "Have you found anything of use in the past 24 hours?"

I shook my head. "I'm getting nowhere and it's driving me mad. Usually I'm never like this."

She nodded. "Same here. Even I crack cases or get leads pretty fast, but this one's proving to be a pain in the ass. But that's not what I'm here to talk about."

I frowned. "Then?"

"If you keep on staying holed up inside this room, you'll only end up hating everything and everyone even more, and most of all yourself. You need to unwind a little. I know what happened with you and Marco yesterday."

My shoulders sagged as I looked away. "He told you, didn't he? That little shit."

"No, he was right to tell me. If one of us loses our cool, it's going to affect the whole group, you realise that right? We're just three people here, and on top of all the difficulty we're facing with the case, we don't need any additional and unnecessary problems."

I remained silent as she continued.

"I get why you lashed out at him yesterday. You probably didn't mean to, but you took it out on him. Am I right? You probably already regret what you said."

I sighed. "I know what I said was stupid, but I just couldn't stop myself in the heat of the moment."

She nodded. "It's okay. But I do think you should set things right with Marco. That one's your job, Kaia."

I looked at her, horrified. "In all my ten years of knowing him, never have I once apologised to him. What makes you think I'll do it now?!"

She smiled. "The fact that you actually admitted what you did was stupid. And if there's one thing I know about you, Kaia Winter, it's that you're a woman of integrity."

a/n: it's always tough saying sorry, especially when you have to apologise to someone you hate (or think you hate ;)). but kaia's gotta do it, right? what advice would you give to her if you could be in miranda's place right now?