Jesper Fahey Imagines

Guns Blazing, Tides Rising (Part Five)

It's hard for Jesper to convince himself to leave the alley, to let his hands leave Y/N and return to their places by his sides. Inej and Kaz will be looking for them, that much is true. But there's still a sound like a sigh trapped and rattling in his lungs when he leaves, a regret that he can't quite excuse away with knowledge of what Kaz's vengeance would mean if he found a single Dreg disobeying one of his most enforced rules.

Y/N understands, that much is true. She's become more involved with the Dregs as time goes on. She knows Kaz Brekker in the way that they all do- the Bastard of the Barrel isn't one that you cross unless you wish to lose your tongue and your life. It still seems wrong to give this up, though, to let Dirtyhands keep walking all over him for the one thing that matters. In the end, they would have had to leave the alley anyways. This is just the first excuse that passes Jesper's lips.

He manages to turn off his mind for a little while, convincing himself that it doesn't feel harder and harder to leave, that he can be emotionless and cold. Jesper's tone is clinical when he tells Kaz and Inej of the successful mission, his hands for once unshaking and firm when he hands over the list of names to Kaz. However, even his attempts at being fine and calm draw suspicion- Kaz hadn't seen them rejoin the rest of the party when the guests relocated from the main hall, and he wanted to know why.

Jesper has spent enough time running with the canal rats for lies to spring easily to his tongue. There was a difficulty finding the safe, he says, they had to dodge some guards and they didn't quite get there in time. It doesn't really matter, though, does it? They got in, they got out, and they weren't the reason the alarms were sounded. Kaz raises an eyebrow at this, but he doesn't press it. Jesper might be well and truly hallucinating, but he swears he sees a tinge of unrest in Kaz's eyes, like the boy is haunting himself over the fact that he may have made an error, one that could have gotten his gang caught like a too-clever fox in a trap.

Maybe this shift in Kaz's usual ruthless demeanor is enough to unsettle him, or maybe it's the gnawing knowledge that Jesper keeps walking away from the girl he might love that drives him to leave the Slat once more. It's early morning now, dawn with its rosy-fingered hues, but a lack of sleep has hardly bothered Jesper before, and it certainly won't now. He thinks as he walks, stretching his legs as he paces mindless circles around the city.

Jesper can't shake the feeling that he's been running for too long. He's used to it, but for some reason, it feels different now. He doesn't like this constant leaving, this weight on his shoulders like he's holding true to a lie that will one day spiral out of control. Jesper is used to living life on the run, to being flamboyantly proud of everything that makes him, well, him. The skulking around back corners, stealing kisses only after he's checked and double-checked that no one is watching? It feels like a noose is tightening around his neck.

In the end, Jesper finds himself climbing up a rickety fire escape and stretching his legs out over the edge of a roof, watching the golden dawn start to turn the waters surrounding Ketterdam bronze with light. It is not long before he is joined by someone else, someone with answering steps and a reassuring smile tossed his way. Maybe she could tell from how they'd left that he was still lost in thought. Regardless, Jesper is happy to not be alone.

Y/N sits next to him, carefully swinging her feet over the edge. Her heels kick up against the brick. "I like this view. I like being able to see the water. It feels like I'm more connected to it." Jesper turns his head towards her, watching the way the early morning air toys with her eyelashes, her face. "Is it easy to be a Tidemaker here? I mean, you're powerful enough that people don't try to trap you with indentures. Does it ever get easy in Ketterdam?"

Y/N laughs quietly. "Not at all. I still remember when I first showed up and stepped off of the boats. My parents wanted to send me away from the disaster that was the Ravkan civil war. They guessed it would happen long before it did, and assumed Kerch would be safer. They sent me over first, saying that they'd follow soon after." Jesper can hear the inflections in her voice, the way she casts her eyes towards the water with renewed vigor. He knows this means that they never showed up again.