(Levi x Petra) Recovery

Chapter Two, Former Member

        Gray. Petra had woken up to yet another gray morning, taking in the same stale air she had every day now for the past three months. At this point, it had been four days since Levi had visited her. The handkerchief he used to dry her tear still sat motionless on the faded gray table next to her bed. As she began to drift into her daily round of regretful thinking, new scenarios appeared inside of her rebroadcast of a thought process. Instead of her daily checklist of regrets, she began to think about Levi. Why had he come to visit her? For anyone, it would seem like there is a clear and obvious answer to this, who wouldn't come visit their injured comrade? The only difference is that this is Levi. The same Levi who had grew hardened from seeing his comrades die on him day after day, month after month, year after year. The same man whose calloused fingers were an extension of his hardened emotions.

        The sound of three knocks had filled the room. In an instant, Petra's train of thought was lost. Soon after the door opened. Two doctors had come to check on Petra, a weekly occurrence she had all but gone numb to. She knew they were going to run the same tests and come to the same conclusions as they always had.

        "Good Morning Miss Ral" chimed the shorter of the two doctors. The happy attitude he displayed pissed Petra off to no end. The doctor looked down at a clipboard he was carrying. After a brief moment of silence, he read it out loud to the doctor beside him.

        "Today we're going to be running basic nerve function tests on Miss Ral here. She's a former member of the Scout Regiment who was injured in their last expedition." Former member. These words echoed through Petra's head like a ringing bell inside of a clocktower. Of all the realities she had to accept this was by far the most difficult. Her entire career as a Scout she had been told the reason they keep fighting is to honor the memory of those who had fallen before them. Hearing this reminded her that she couldn't even do this. Why was she the one who lived? Why didn't those who were much braver than her make it out alive? If it wasn't for her getting distressed during the fight they could have won. If it wasn't for her overestimating her own abilities she could have called for help. If it wasn't for her then-

        "Miss Ral?" said the shorter doctor, waving his hand in front of her glossed-over eyes.

        "Miss Ral, we're going to begin the tests ok?" She managed a slight nod. As the tests went on the same results as every time had been read out to her once they were complete. There were only so many times she could hear that her legs may never work again before she decided to give up on life. As the doctors continued to read out the results her mind began to drift. Gray. All she could imagine anymore was the gray she constantly saw. The gray room, the gray table next to her bed, the gray tools the doctors used, everything was a constant reminder of the drab reality she barely lived in. As she gazed into this gray abyss the colors began to swirl. Like a pinwheel on a windy afternoon, they began to spin and twist while simultaneously darkening. They continued spinning until they had changed into a familiar raven black. This raven black was the color of Levi's hair.

        "Why had he come to visit me?" she began thinking to herself.

        "Was it out of pity? Was he there to give condolences? Maybe he came to tell me I had been honorably discharged himself? Yeah, that's it. He thought that hearing the words from him would have me accept it." The conclusion Petra had reached was another reminder of the gray truth she had yet to accept. By the time she had checked back into reality, she was alone again in her room. Petra tried to lift herself up just to see anything besides the ceiling, for she had already created pictures out of every inch of the ceiling's imperfections. As she tried to ease herself up she caught a glimpse at the window across the room from her before falling back down. To her disappointment, the view was nothing more than the same buildings repeated over and over again. The same buildings she once used her ODM gear to traverse during the reclaiming of Trost. Memories of fighting side by side with her comrades had almost come flooding back, but she knew if she dwelt on these thoughts too long she would just drive herself crazy.

        As the day went on there were no more surprises. No visitors, no doctors, not even a breeze to shake up her windows. She laid in silence for what felt like the thousandth day in a row. Unable to stand another second of this, she decided to try and get another glimpse out of the window.

        "One, two, three" she counted down to herself. After three she used all of her strength to prop herself up. As she looked out the window all she saw was the reflection of the former member of the Scout Regiment she had failed to accept being. Getting the first look at herself in months had helped the reality set in. No longer could she see the caring and energetic person she once was. The titan slayer who had once proudly worn the wings of freedom on her back was gone. Instead, she saw a drained and shattered woman with dark gray bags under her eyes. Staring at oneself is the only way to accept who you have become, and this was certainly the case with Petra.

        After staring into her own faded eyes, she dropped down onto her back. She painfully closed her eyes. As she tried to fall asleep the one picture in her mind was the somber black of Levi's hair.

        "Why did he have to come to see me?" she thought to herself.

        "Why did he have to see me like this?" was the last thought she had before slowly drifting to sleep.