Gold Foil

Chapter Nine: Bittersweet

Kissing Gojou so boldly has Suguru chiding himself. He had wanted to keep Gojou away from himself, to keep the other man safe from the regrets and sorrow that weigh him down like concrete entrapping his feet as he sinks deep into the gelid ocean. Suguru had wanted Gojou to hate him and be disgusted by him, to be left behind and forgotten. Suguru had meticulously created this plan and after a singular heart-to-heart conversation, his walls had eroded away and all of Suguru's resolve crumbled into dust.

There is a part of him that's disappointed in himself but there's a larger part that's singing with joy. While there's a churning wave of conflicting emotions that rise and fall within the pit of his stomach, Suguru can't bring himself to care about that. Gojou is here with him at this moment and all Suguru wants is to spend what little time they have, together.

Even if Suguru could ponder over everything, Gojou's soft lips chase away those thoughts.

He had learned to expect the unexpected when it comes to Gojou. Yet the tender and almost delicate way that Gojou kisses him, surprises Suguru. He can taste the subtle hint of sweetened tea that coats Gojou's lips. Soft puffs of breath dance over Suguru's skin and as a pair of slender and pale hands gently cups either side of his face, Suguru distantly realizes that this is his first kiss.

A foreign feeling takes root within his stomach and Suguru is overcome with a hunger of wanting and needing more. He wants to make up for all the time that was wasted and he needs to feel the searing touch of Gojou's hands against his skin. Their kiss that started chaste and slow evolves into something filled with desperation. One of Suguru's hands rests at the nap of Gojou's neck as the other runs through soft hair that's white as snow. When their kiss deepens, Suguru realizes the taste of sugary tea is replaced with the bitter and salty tang of tears.

Cracking open an eye, he's shocked to see Gojou crying.

Pulling away makes Gojou open his eyes and blink in confusion. Suguru can't bring himself to point out the obvious and it's not needed because seconds later, Gojou lets out a soft chuckle and rubs away the tears. He watches as the other man's tongue darts out and tentatively licks kiss swollen lips. Suguru still says nothing as Gojou leans back against the sofa and stares up at the ceiling.

"I," Gojou pauses, "You really know how to play with a guy's feelings, Suguru. First you hate me and now you kiss me after I say I love you? What exactly am I supposed to believe?" Ice blue peers at him and all Suguru can do is sigh.

"Look, I was doing what I thought was best." Suguru falters and he lets out a noise of frustration. "I know it's stupid now but there wasn't anything else that I could do! I didn't want you to be associated with me because then your name would've been dragged through the mud. I pushed you away and gave you countless reasons to hate me so that you wouldn't be corrupted by me. I wanted you to hate me because I couldn't find it within myself to hate you and to just leave. I never wanted to hurt you but it was all I could do but I was just so desperate to keep you safe in the only way that I could." Suguru only stops talking when Gojou rests a hand on his shoulder.

"You're an idiot." There's no bite in Gojou's quiet remark but that doesn't stop Suguru from hanging his head in shame. Next to him, there's a long sigh. "Also, I'm not as pristine as you think. I mean, look. I almost obliterated that entire cult if you hadn't been there to stop me. Our positions could have easily been reversed. except unlike you, I don't think I would've stopped at just them... I think that I really would have gone after the elders in all of my rage and honestly? Who knows what would've happened then." Gojou hums thoughtfully.

"Suguru... look at me." When Suguru refuses to listen, fingers hook under his chin and gently lift until Suguru has no other choice but to look at Gojou. He stares, transfixed by the endless crystal blue of Gojou's eyes. His eyes are still glassy from crying but Suguru has never seen a sight so raw and beautifully human before.