it was time for taehyung to go back to school. it had been a long dreading weekend and alot happened, and now he had to go back to this horrific place. he hated school because of homework and the anxiety he got of grades and the pressure, but normally it wasn't that bad because he could see yoongi and hoseok, and then even sowol, but now that was the problem.
he needed to avoid those three people at all cost. they told his parents his biggest secret and caused his life to change drastically in a matter of seconds. it wasn't like he was exactly angry, he actually couldn't describe the way he felt.
maybe he just didn't want to see sowol's eyes be tainted by the look of guilt and pity, or see hoseok and yoongi look at him differently than before.
nothing had actually changed for him, he realized. he was still the exact same person, maybe with a little less lies and will to live now.
opening his locker after walking into his home room, he found himself in an extremely alert position of staring at the door, waiting to recognize the footsteps of his so called friends.
yoongi turned around the corner right as taehyung took his seat, yoongi's feet stopping to take a second to look at taehyung, and quickly pretending like nothing happened again and running over to his locker.
hoseok came in right after and sat down together with yoongi behind me. they were wispering about something, and i felt their eyes in my back.
just before the teacher started the lesson, y/n came stumbling in. she looked at me and i quickly looked away and started staring out the window, trying to ignore her. i wanted to sort out and organize my mind before i talked to any of them, and this weekends events came to mind.
"taehyung, please just listen to us for a second. i've discussed it with your father carefully. i know, actually i don't even know- i don't know what you're going through and i get that you don't want to talk to me about it, but we'll have to do something. we've decided to take you to therapy, and if you don't like it, we'll search the world for someone who you can trust and can help you. we just want the best for you, my dear. the first session is tuesday, please talk to us if anything is wrong, i beg you taehyung, we love you." my mother spoke.
i was looking down to the ground, and had not spoken since my parents found out i was not who i was pretending to be. it was too confrontational for me still, i just wanted to focus on violin and school. i knew my parents were extremely saddened by their discovery, and it only made me feel guilty.
my mother walked away, sighing. why was i doing this to her? therapy was so expensive, and i was only hurting her, and my father and friends too for that matter.
i slowly started walking to my bathroom, my scissors feeling heavy in my pockets. my parents had taken all the sharp objects far away,but at this point stealing a pair of scissors from school was way too easy.
i started making a few small cuts, going deeper with each one. blood slightly seeped out, and for the hundred time that day i sighed as i knew that some of these were going to scar.
it hurt so much, and i loved it, as this is what i deserved. after some time i washed all the blood away and cleaned the scissors, and thought about why i was even still alive.
if i'd die right now, my parents wouldn't have to deal with having a mentally ill child anymore and give up their life savings for him, and his friends could forget about everything that they had gone through together, yoongi and hoseok could live together happily and sowol-
"kim taehyung? hellooo?" i stopped spacing out to see the teacher looking at me, and i assumed she had asked me a question that i missed.
"it's 442 kilometers, teacher." sowol said.
huh? i turned my head to the right to see sowol, sitting next to me. since when was she there?
"thank you sowol, but don't answer for other students." the teacher spoke.
i wasn't going to thank sowol for saving me from a lecture, i wanted to ignore her. but she looked at me with small smile and i turned my head a bit and we looked at each other. she must have sat down next to be while i wasn't focusing. it made me really nervous to even think about talking to her about what happened. no, no i'm not ready to know what to feel. why was i like this? if i just wouldn't be such a pathetic child none of this would have happened. i would still be happy and living a normal life with my friends and playing violin, but i had to start slicing my skin open and now i have scars that are unreversible, and they will never let me erase the life i've been living until now. in that moment, i wanted to die, to espace this mess, to escape myself.
it was then that i noticed my breathing quickening and my hands were severely shaking. shit, i was going to start crying if i didn't calm down quickly. i wanted to cut my arms for being so stupid, why did i think this would go okay? coming to school was a bad idea-
sowol laid her hand on my shaking one, snapping me out of my anxiety filled state.
i looked at her again and she signaled for me to breath in through my nose and out through my mouth slowly.
we breathed together while we held hands, and we kept doing this until i had calmed down.
"taehyung, sowol, pay attention to the lesson please." the teacher said.
we both snapped our heads towards the teacher and quickly ignored what just went on, but our hands stayed connected.
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